Remember this? As if something is calling us. Sucks in the pit of the stomach. A sweet and at the same time alarming feeling in the chest. It's like you're doing something wrong. It’s as if you should now drop everything, open the familiar door and see a new unusual picture behind it. Just imagine... You open the door from the house, and there... And there is thick wild grass, a dilapidated fountain, an old garden. A narrow, barely noticeable path in the grass. She beckons you. As if offering to lead to something new, mysterious. You are an adult. You know that behind the door everything is familiar. There's nothing new there. But remember. Remember? This feeling... More often it comes in the spring. Vague. Strange. Sometimes painful. Something needs to be done. Run somewhere. Go. You can't stay still. And where to go, run, fly... It’s not known. It seems that you’ll understand everything just about now. Gain strength and choose between routine and the calling unknown. But how do you choose? The routine is well studied. From home to work, from apartment to dacha, from kitchen to toilet - there is a deep, well-trodden path. Why bother and pave a new path? And it is not yet known where it will lead. It’s better to stay at home. But the obsession doesn’t go away. You stubbornly want something... You stubbornly want to go somewhere. Longing. Hormones. Whim. Nonsense. Neurosis. Bad weather. Stayed too long. Just blues. Magnetic storms. Sun flares. Malaise. As soon as we do not strive to explain, devalue, discard - the call. Nothing will help from this. Nothing will save you from this. Something inside us hears the call. Even though we don’t hear anything. Someone suppresses the call by force of will. Pretends that he doesn't feel anything. Someone goes to a disco, to a barbecue, to Egypt, has sex, gets drunk, smokes, has night get-togethers, goes to courses - they think it will help. The hell with it. More precisely, it helps for a while. And then everything repeats again. Anxiety, sweet anticipation, the desire to take off. Understand, see, feel. Realize what is happening to you and where it is calling you. Especially in the spring. Especially you... ***Elena looked at the street flooded with morning rays through the glass covered with a light layer of dust. People were rushing to work. The cleaners were removing yesterday's trash. A tram passed. It smelled of coffee and buns. The smell of vanilla. An ordinary Moscow cafe. An ordinary Moscow girl. She didn't have a financial problem. There was no terrible diagnosis. Only a rich inner world and status in contact - everything is complicated. “Some kind of emptiness,” Lena thought. Yesterday she broke up with Gosha again, after a long, debilitating scandal. I cried half the night, sat half the night on the roof with my roofing friends. It was great. I mean hanging out on the roof. This is not usual. “But it’s still empty, and they’ll probably fire you from work again,” Lena winced. Although there was nothing wrong with that. Parents gave money. In principle, she didn’t have to work; she had enough for a room in the Tekstilshchiki district and a meal without any fuss. She dreamed of being a dancer since childhood, graduated from law school and worked as a designer. From the age of eight I went to dances. I wanted to go to sports. I wanted to dance. My parents didn’t let me. The dancer is a prostitute, only worse. Dad's favorite joke. She did not become a girl of easy virtue, she stopped dancing and from time to time worked as a designer - having learned Photoshop out of boredom. Dad wanted her to become a lawyer. Mom saw her daughter as a great artist (probably because, in her youth, her parents forbade her to draw). “How stupid it was with Gosha. Why did I get to the bottom of him this time...” Lena finished her coffee, put her cell phone in her purse and headed towards the exit. On the way, she looked at herself in the mirror and winced again. “What have I turned into…” It’s not like she was fat. Rather, it became somewhat shapeless. Blurred. An extra 10 kg, a constant seat at the computer, a lot of coffee, chocolates and buns. Well, you know how it happens... She went outside and plunged into the spring atmosphere. April. Morning. Sun. April had been causing her serious inconvenience for the past few years. That