Without grandma, baby, what's candy without sweetness? With her, the approach to children and attitude to education are fundamentally different. She is active and, in my opinion, too intrusive with her care. Please tell me how to carefully set the boundaries of the roles of mother and grandmother? "Or something like this: “My daughter lives with her grandmother almost every weekend. Every time I take her, she says that she doesn’t want to go to her grandmother. She is capricious, whines, and cries, but when I call my grandmother, she is always cheerful, joyful, and when I pick her up, she says that she liked it at my grandmother’s. . I ask: “On the next one.” will you go on weekends? " She answers: “Yes.” But the next weekend is also history. I understand that she is having a hard time parting with me, but... What should I do?” Or even something like this: “Deprive the grandmother of the opportunity to communicate with her grandchildren?” Participation of grandmothers in raising grandchildren - in the spirit of worthy Russian traditions. Up to a year, a child urgently needs a mother and father - those people with whom he constantly lives, so it is advisable not to part with the child for a long time. You can give a child to grandparents for a few days from the age of one and a half, or even better, from two years of age, but only in the case when there is constant communication between the family and the grandmother, when the grandmother often visits the grandson, and he knows that the grandmother is “their own” , "native". Giving a small child to a grandmother who rarely sees her grandson means causing him trauma. Children's longing for their parents, the child's subjective feeling that he has been “abandoned,” can lead to the appearance of fears and nervousness. If parents need to leave for a short time without the child, then the softest option may be if the grandmother herself moves in with her grandson for a few days - this way the baby will be more familiar and calmer. If the child is used to the grandmother, then staying with her, he gets a lot of positive emotions : after all, grandparents are usually more experienced, wiser and more patient than parents. They are not in a hurry to get to work and can devote a lot of personal time and attention to the child, which includes endless re-reading of children’s books, telling jokes and fairy tales, listening to children’s impressions, being ready to answer endless children’s questions without a hint of irritation, preparing the child’s favorite labor-intensive dishes, and later - joint construction, board games, visiting clubs, help with homework. It even happens that when a child’s relationship with his parents becomes strained during adolescence, the grandparent becomes an adviser, confidant, or outlet for him. There are, of course, special situations that do not benefit the child: extremely demanding and controlling, or overly pampering and a grandmother who indulges her grandchildren. But much more often, grandparents have a balanced position, not burdened with super-expectations regarding their grandchildren. The absence of strict requirements for a child’s behavior allows them to understand their grandchildren well and accept children for who they are, without judgment or judgment. However, it must be taken into account that some children are especially difficult to tolerate change, so it is important that the baby gets used to his grandmother gradually. If grandma lives nearby, then at first it’s walks together for a couple of hours, then together for the whole evening, and then the whole day. Some children feel great with their grandmother all day, but they don’t like to stay at night; in the evening they miss their parents and home. Then it is preferable for the grandmother to spend the night with her grandson. In any case, the child should be warned in advance about the prospect of spending several days with his grandmother and given him a positive attitude: let him know that a small adventure and great grandmother’s care await him. If for some reason the grandmother lives with an adult child and grandchild or comes visit for a long time, then it makes sense to agree on the principles of raising grandchildren in such a large family. There can be three main options: 1. Decide that eachadults may have their own views on raising grandchildren and determine their own strategy for interacting with grandchildren. This is easy to do where relations between generations are based on mutual trust and respect and there are no fundamental differences in matters of education.2. Recognize that the main experts in matters of raising children are grandparents due to their richer life experience and wisdom acquired over the years. Then the child’s parents either carry out the forefather’s line of upbringing, or withdraw from this process.3. Accept that the main educators of children are their parents and they determine the basic strategy and rules of upbringing, and the task of grandmothers is to follow them. Usually one of these options is accepted by tacit agreement between family members or is discussed out loud to avoid misunderstandings. It is easy for many parents to entrust the child grandmothers - helps with your personal happy experience and warm childhood memories of the time spent with your grandmothers, of their caring and skillful hands, radiant, attentive eyes. At the same time, it is much easier for fathers and mothers to rely on the help of their parents. If grandparents are in no hurry to participate in the lives of their grandchildren, then, of course, it is worth patiently asking and insisting on this: after all, it is not always easy for the older generation to change their old established habits. This takes time and involves gradualism, “maturation.” Some grandmothers have already forgotten how to handle the baby, and they are truly afraid to accept new care. Then it makes sense to start by inviting the grandmother to visit and giving her the opportunity to spend time and play with her grandson in the presence of mom and dad. If grandparents actively take part in the fate of their grandchildren, but disagreements arise when agreeing on pedagogical positions, then family members have meaning and clarify the following questions: A) What are my own beliefs regarding raising children? Answers from parents and grandmothers may be: “children must be kept strict, otherwise they will sit on their necks,” or “in certain matters with children you need to adhere to rules, but in other situations you should be gentle,” or “the child needs to be supported in everything,” or “children cannot be punished, results can only be achieved with affection,” or “children, when they grow up, will learn how much, but while they are small, they need pamper”, or “all the best goes to the children”, or “children should always obey me”, or “only I know what a child really needs”, or “if you don’t constantly control a child in everything, then he will grow up to be a scoundrel” and etc. B) Who, at what point and how is responsible for the children? Possible options: “the parent is always responsible for the children, no matter where they are. Therefore, if something goes wrong, then it is the parents’ fault,” or “the adult under whose supervision he is currently responsible is responsible for the child,” or “the grandmother is responsible for the results of upbringing, since she taught it or not.” taught her daughter to correctly perform parental tasks,” or “a child, being big enough, is responsible for his own behavior in different situations.” I would like to note that the concept of responsibility for children also presupposes compliance with the conditions of his physical safety and health. B) What are the relations between older generations? There may be the following options: cooperation, when raising children is a common task of the two older generations, the view on its goals coincides, parents and the oldest generation are recognized and accepted as competent, authoritative adults. On the other hand, grandmothers can. decide that they are more qualified educators, so the child’s parents should obey them. If this coincides with the opinion of the parents themselves, then tension does not arise in relations between generations. If the parents hold the opposite point of view, then a competitive relationship will arise when everyone will try to prove to the other that they are right, often even to the detriment of their well-being..