When people come to a consultation with a question about relationships, you often come across the fact that the problem is not at all where the person sees it. A very strong pattern is that if something doesn’t work out, then someone else is to blame, but not yourself. Often in the list of complaints you can hear that relationships do not develop, or even fade away, as soon as they begin. This situation, of course, does not suit the person, and he looks for an answer in the behavior of another. However, this is not always the direction in which it is useful to move. All these quotes from social networks, taken out of context, sometimes form the opinion in people that there are some universal rules in relationships. And if you follow them, then everything will automatically be fine. In practice, this position often leads to disastrous consequences. In reality, often it’s not about the rules, or even about the other person, but about yourself. To be honest, relationships don't develop because you're scared. It’s scary to believe someone else, it’s scary to be truly open, it’s scary not to play an unnecessary role. The reason is simple, you are afraid of pain. After all, it’s no secret that if this is not your first attempt to build a relationship, then you know what kind of pain we’re talking about. It is this pain, this disappointment, that you are afraid of. And this slows down the development of relationships. Of course, we are all designed in such a way that we always strive to avoid pain, since it is an unpleasant experience. But in the case of relationships, self-pity also appears. Yes, you feel sorry for yourself, because you have already received your share of pain and disappointment. And you don't want it anymore. You start to take care of yourself. Save on relationships. You justify yourself by expecting a response from the other. Sometimes you even become indignant when you don’t get what you expect from someone else: “I’m the only one who needs this.” But, as a rule, you do nothing. You feel sorry and take care of yourself. You try to convince yourself that everything will work out on its own. It's not even hope, it's just expectation. So they wait for the weather by the sea. And you complain that the relationship is not developing. And then from every angle they scare you that everyone around you is full of abusers, narcissists, materialistic women and manipulators. How can you not be afraid? Meanwhile, you yourself chose this person, which means you were able to see in him what you liked. But then fear and self-pity appeared. When you find yourself in a similar situation, the relationship is not developing, ask yourself: “Am I doing everything to ensure that it develops and what am I afraid of if I don’t?” Try to answer honestly, this will bring clarity and allow you to look at the situation from a different point of view. Practitioner psychologist Anton Chernykh. There are places in the schedule for individual consultations. Sign up via WhatsApp / Telegram messenger 89205430457