From the author: It is very important to engage in the psychodevelopment of family child-parent relationships in the family! So as not to solve the Problems later! In this article you will find important information about the rules, traditions and hierarchy in the family and how parents can form this in the family. Sincerely, Svetlana Denisova, specialist expert in child family psychology - Are there rules in your family? - Of course. - Name them , please. -...We need to think. A family is an organized community of people, so it is important sometimes at a family meeting over a cup of tea to talk them through, to make amendments and changes. Man is in constant development, he changes. Our children are constantly changing: not only externally, but also internally. It is better to discuss the rules once a quarter or six months. The rules should be clear, understandable, and not mutually exclusive. These are the norms of the hostel should be the same for all family members. 1. Household rules: hygiene, order in personal belongings, objects, as well as general order in the house; 2. Rules for eating; 3. Rules of the daily routine or family routine for every day ( everyone’s responsibilities and time to rest); 4. Rules of ethics (How to communicate with each other) 5. Rules of family vacations; 6. Rules of receiving guests; 7. Rules of general family response to stress, conflicts, problems, difficult life situations; Sometimes parents They think “of course there are rules, they’re just not public, they’re not written.” When they write later, it turns out that it is not so simple: disagreements, additions, and new necessary rules appear. It is important to allow children to participate in the Council - they will bring fresh ideas. This will give them a more responsible and independent view of organizing family life. The most important Tradition, which most families call, is, of course, “being together on holidays, especially on New Year.” However, this does not always mean that there are also celebrations for children: games, competitions with prizes, and children love to play together with parents, competition between families, general creativity, etc. 50% of families mean a common feast. It happens that parents are tired, they have no time to come up with anything. Tradition is a common pleasant and useful time spent by the whole family. What could this be? A family dinner by candlelight, when not only sweets are served for dessert, but also praise for everyone’s actions for 3 days or a week. Once every 2 weeks or a month, with the whole family you visit a cultural, entertainment place, go to nature, hiking. You agree on this in advance and everyone prepares. It’s better to agree precisely and do a joint event once a month than to promise your child often, but it doesn’t work out. The next question that the specialist asks the family is: “How do you please each other?” The ability to please each other every day is a great art that requires effort from a person. There is a good psychological exercise - to say: what surprises do you make for your family and what surprises could you make? Moreover, a child can do no less than his parents, for example, after work, bring tea to dad, warm up food; buy mom a beautiful card - just like that. Of course, it is important to teach children to bring warmth and joy to people in simple, sincere ways and for adults to repeat and come up with new ways. Who is the boss in your family? What is the system of Hierarchy in a family? Hierarchy is the distribution of roles in a group. The main thing is that the main thing is dad or mom, and not the child. In order to be confident in your authority, ask your child this question at least once every six months and in crisis situations of disobedience and whims - this will be the most objective vision. “Yes, everyone pampers him,” the mother says, smiling. but still small, 2.5 years old. You know, someone gets sick often and doesn’t say much, help us.” First, ask yourself the question, why do you need this, what prevents you from being not only affectionate with your child, but also strict? How can you teach a child the rules while smiling and with a relaxed intonation? Not too much severity in the voice andcomposure is what is needed to attract a child into social life. Why should a child speak if his mother understands him perfectly? You can only make sounds. If parents do not accustom the child to a routine, to exercise; walks are mandatory, and not when he is in the mood; if they cannot instill in him rules in food, do not know how to start hardening, and are often in uncertainty and anxiety - this is a ready-made recipe for a frequently ill child. There is no need for “familiar relations” with a child - you can be a friend for him and at the same time remain an adult, show clear and firm guidelines in life. You need to be a leader, that is, be able to distribute responsibility and ask both yourself and the rest of the family. It is known that “everyone in his place” is the basic law of family and psychological harmony. The need for security is a fundamental human need. Typologies of parenting styles help to see and recognize the features of your parent-child relationship, and this is already a step forward towards a useful and harmonious path of relationships. The permissive, authoritarian and democratic style is known to everyone, so we will look at other typologies of modern family psychologists. Types of mothers: Princess- nesmyana: the main task is not to spoil the child, frequent lectures (no, no, stop), mother is always right, rarely smiles. Snow Queen: when communicating with a child, she maintains a certain distance, she knows how to command and rules. Does not know how to show intimacy and kindness. Sleeping beauty: lives in captivity of her fantasies, daydreams, not noticing the needs and desires of the child, his love. For her, he is a living dollUnter-prishibeev: a general in a skirt, the child is a soldier for her, living according to her orders, if disobedience is punishment. Mother hen: the child is on a leash, does not allow her to take a step on her own. Types of dads: Mom and Dad: functions of a mother takes over, but this does not always succeed and then he becomes hot-tempered and angry. The child is under the pressure of his mood. Mom-dad: everything is allowed to the child and everything is forgiven, the child sits not only on the “neck”, but very often on the “head”. A tough nut to crack: recognizes only the rules without exception, never makes compromises, even if he is wrong. Karabas Barabas: an evil and cruel dad, the child is constantly in fear of a slave, oppressed, inferior. Jumping dragonfly: dad does not feel like a father, his life should proceed without worries, a visiting dad. Shirt-guy: he is the child and brother and friend. He communicates a lot, forgets about his family, there are constant conflicts in the family. Henpecked: dad is under his wife’s thumb, even in the most difficult moments. Will not go over to the child’s side, so as not to spoil the relationship with his wife. Any typology cannot cover all the features, for example, there is parents who are constantly at work and have no time to take care of the child - this is the so-called hypocustody (lack of guardianship). There are parents who consciously or unconsciously blame the child for all troubles, and then he will actually begin to do harm to the family or withdraw into himself, even to the point of mental illness. The ability to build useful and harmonious relationships with a child is not so easy, but also It’s not so difficult if parents understand that raising children is a process and the result of their personal development, it is a characteristic of a mature attitude towards themselves and the world. Does the child have personal space? Is he allowed to talk about his desires, choose his clothes, talk about his feelings, have his own opinion? A child of 3 years old realizes for the first time that he is separate, that he is “Himself”, that his body is only his body . It is necessary to help him develop in this. By the age of 3, the child finally sleeps separately and has his own room or clearly defined territory. Even if people live in cramped conditions, you can come up with something, otherwise it will quickly affect the rate of development of the child. The child is responsible for his things, toys, has his first small responsibilities. You also teach him to respect other people’s territory, other people’s things, respect the desires and feelings of others. As the child.