From the author: Existential reflections on alienation and love for loved ones. Many daughters love their fathers. The majority of girls around me are like this. And among them there are those who lost their father in childhood - an accident or illness. Some of these girls lost their minds for a period of time, could not come to terms with the loss, and looked for similarities with him in their chosen ones. And when I see this, I realize that people cannot understand and feel each other in principle, because Everyone has their own pain, their own love or hate. Our life experiences of loss are not at all equal. And in this we are all strangers to each other. At least in this example - love for my father. I am one of those who stand on the other side of the planet in this matter. I hate my father and every day I think that it would be better if he died. I somehow tried to tear this thought out of myself, citing the fact that this is my own blood and, in general, it’s a sin to think like that about my own parent. But over time, my soul stopped feeling even the slightest sympathy. If suddenly he cuts his hand and rushes around in panic, I don’t pay attention. I can calmly watch him bleed and I don’t have the slightest desire to help him. When he asks, I reluctantly and slowly get up from the chair, feeling extremely irritated. At these moments I have only one thought: “If only he died now, I would probably dance on his grave.” And there is every reason for this. But I was killed with grief when the first cat died, then when the second one disappeared, and when the rat died. There were several other little animals, but their loss was easier to cope with because there was no strong connection between us, just neighbourhood. Neighborhood - this is the wall that lies between me and most people. It doesn’t even matter if these people are my relatives. It even seemed to me that I had become completely bad. No, actually just mature. People should get the treatment they deserve. If it had always been this way, there would have been no egoists or altruists. The “formula” of love has now become clear to me. If you want a person (child, parent, friend) to love you and not want to lose you, keep in touch with him constantly and never, remember, never do crap to him. If you are shit on your own, then keep yourself in an impenetrable package. And know that in this case, nothing will work out for you with another bag of crap, so the circle of the chosen ones is significantly narrowing... If you feel that you are about to burst through, disappear. In general, try to get this crap out of yourself and become better. If you really want to be worthy of the love of a good man. And, believe me, you will become worthy, you will always be remembered, and not filtered through clenched teeth as a curse.