From the author: The article talks about the course of the first age crisis of 18-24 months (in popular literature more often referred to as the crisis of three years), and reveals the features of child development that allow parents to better understand their child . The first crisis encountered on the path of child development is the crisis, which in popular literature is better known as the crisis of 3 years (although, by this age, it should already be “fading away”). In American popular publications, the time of this crisis is called more precisely - “these terrible two.” Attentive parents notice that this crisis occurs approximately during the period of 18-24 months, and in the psychological literature is called a reunification crisis. We will understand the meaning of this name a little later. This crisis is no simpler or easier than the well-known teenage crisis, and deserves special attention. For the mother of a child of this age, this period can be very difficult. Here she is faced with the child’s frequent whims, inconsistent demands and desires, his aggression, stubbornness, and outbursts of rage. Women often react to all this with their own irritation, breaking down and resorting to unjustified punishments. To understand the difficulties of the reunification period, we should consider a little the features of the previous period, which lasts, relatively speaking, from the end of the first year to one and a half years, which is called the practice phase. It is so named because at this time the child begins to walk, exercises in various types of physical activity, learns about the world, and practices mastering various types of activities. A baby this age is adorable. He is intoxicated by his capabilities and greatness (it seems to him that he can do everything, and everything is subject to him!) and is fascinated by the beautiful and bewitching world that opens up for him. Now, having the ability to walk upright, you can see more, hear more, touch more! Often the baby entertains himself, being constantly delighted with his discoveries, his eyes sparkle, and a smile shines on his face. Most children experience an increase in energy during this period. They are immune to falls and blows - they quickly get up and continue their research. Receiving help from the mother, the child does not yet recognize it as coming from outside, feeling that it is all himself. At this stage, on the one hand, the mother needs to be on alert all the time in order to protect the child from possible dangers; but, on the other hand, she also gets some relief. The child's need for a mother is somewhat reduced due to the fact that he begins to experience greater interest in inanimate objects and in the world around him. Often he, carried away by his activities, forgets about his mother for a long time (although the baby periodically needs to return to her to confirm her availability, to recharge from her touches). Children often become able to recharge themselves from the sound of their mother's voice or her gaze. For such a child, the mother is a “home recharging base,” but she is not yet regarded as a separate independent individual. Mothers who are not inclined to keep the baby merging with themselves to satisfy their own needs feel some relief - “finally the baby has become independent,” and the mother has a breath of freedom and a moment for herself. But suddenly something happens - a cheerful, happy and (as it sometimes seems) almost “independent” baby suddenly again becomes clingy, in need of constant availability of the mother, and even capricious, aggressive, stubborn. This means the beginning of the next phase - a “new rapprochement” or “reunification crisis” with the mother. This name reflects the fact that the relative indifference to the mother's presence in the previous phase is replaced by constant concern about her whereabouts and active appeals to her. Reasons for the reunification (new rapprochement) of a child with his mother. Firstly, inAt the age of 18-24 months, the child, wanting to be autonomous and separate (wanting to “leave” the mother), and having the physical capabilities to do this, projects his desires onto the mother. Projects - i.e. attributes to her what comes from him. Then in his psyche the mother is perceived as one who may want to leave him. Then the baby’s anxiety increases due to the absence of his mother and he becomes “clingy,” often following on his heels. Secondly, as we have already said, in the previous phase of development the baby did not yet sufficiently feel the mother as an individual person. As the baby realizes his separateness, the mother becomes an independent person, separate from him; and then he has a strong desire to share with his mother every new discovery and experience. After all, she, no longer being “one” with the child, cannot magically learn about all his discoveries. Thirdly, the previous feeling of one’s omnipotence (“I can do everything, and everything is subject to me”), characteristic of the previous phase, painfully collapses. The child realizes that he is often helpless in front of the outside world, and still needs his mother. During this difficult period, it happens that a woman encounters her frequent irritation. She is confused - the baby is demonstrating more and more independence, but on the other hand, he expects his mother’s participation in every activity. It can be difficult for a mother to accept the child’s demands in her constant presence, after she has felt his certain independence and her own - albeit a little freedom. This period is fraught with numerous conflicts. On the one hand, the child strives for independence, but, on the other hand, he feels helpless to cope with this world; feels the same desire that his mother could guess his desires and anticipate them. Sometimes the baby tries to use the mother as an extension of his self, and pulls her hand towards some object, trying to use it as a tool to get it; or expects the mother, guided by a single magical gesture, to fulfill the child’s flashed desire. When he is faced with his helplessness and the separateness of his mother (who no longer wants to be a continuation of his Self and fulfill all his desires), he has outbursts of rage and anger. But neither he nor the mother are anymore able to function as one. The child painfully - through battles and conflicts - begins to realize that his parents are independent people with their own personal interests; and the mother, even having understood his need, is sometimes in no hurry to satisfy it. The child has a protest and rebellion that he is not able to make the whole world revolve around him! He must gradually give up the illusion of his greatness. In general, a child of this period is often aggressive, displays negativism, and it can be difficult to work with him. There are also many reasons for this. The child’s emerging and developing autonomy is protected by him with the help of the constant word “no” - this determines his negativism. Often the child is stubborn. Feeling his separateness and insisting on his independence, he may refuse to obey his mother's demands. Sometimes you can observe how a child refuses to sit down or get out of the stroller, testing the mother’s patience; or, as a sign of protest, he turns around and tries to run away in the other direction (although he keeps an eye to see if his mother will follow him). In addition, anger and malice appear if the desired thing turns out to be unavailable, and the baby is faced with his limitations. He understands that in fact he cannot get that vase, untie that knot, or climb onto that chest of drawers. And the most important disappointment in this life comes with the realization that help does not magically come after he felt the need for it or even voiced it. Realizing the body as his own, the child resists actions that are performed on him, during which he must show passivity - changing clothes, changingdiapers... He also noticeably resists being hugged or kissed when he is not ready for it. More often than not, boys react to this with protest. During the period of time when the child begins to have his own wants and dislikes, wants his own and doesn’t want his own, potty training occurs, which often leads to conflicts. The child, feeling the body as belonging to him, resists control over it and its functions, often does not want to give up what he considers his own (the contents of the intestines) at the request of the mother. Or, on the contrary, to spite his mother he pees anywhere, carefully watching her reaction. It is important to remember that potty training should not develop into “potty battles.” A child, feeling violence and pressure, can develop traits such as stubbornness, greed, and negativism for the rest of his life. It is better to follow the child in this matter, praising him for “good luck,” but without insisting on submission. Maybe mommy won’t be able to brag to her friends in the yard that “you” are in the first row without diapers, but you will preserve the healthy development of the child’s psyche. During this difficult period, the little man experiences feelings of sadness and anger due to the loss of the feeling of merging with his mother; disappointment in the mother (not omnipotent, incomprehensible and having the “audacity” to have her own desires!); feelings of helplessness and impotent rage from realizing one’s limitations. He is painfully aware of his defenselessness (because even his mother can no longer always restore his sense of well-being); and loneliness - because The mother's interests may be different from his own. These experiences come into conflict with the sense of grandeur and omnipotence of the period of practice, when the child felt like the “ruler of the world.” Mistakes of parents and ways of harmonious interaction with a child. During a crisis of reunification, it can be difficult for a mother to withstand the child's demands for her constant availability and the contradictory nature of his desires. In a woman, this behavior often causes outbursts of irritation. The baby either asks for his mother’s help or pushes her away in her attempts to help; then he wants intimacy with his mother, but, as soon as he receives it, he immediately rejects it. Also, attacks of anger, stubbornness and negativism test the mother's patience. Often women, experiencing powerlessness and breaking down, resort to the first spankings and punishments. Sometimes a mother, tired of the monotonous care of her baby and lacking time for herself, can find it difficult to remind herself that in this child’s behavior there is no deliberate desire to “punish” the adults, or specifically to do it out of spite. Negativism and stubbornness of a child are primitive, but so far the only ways to prove that he has his own opinion, that he is an individual who needs not only care, but also recognition of autonomy, the right to his point of view. It is important for a child that an adult withstands his aggression without resorting to punishment (as revenge, or a demonstration of his strength); It is important that the child feels that he is not destroying his parents with his aggression; they are able to withstand storms and stay close without depriving the child of their love. It often happens that a mother, tired of constant contact with her child, begins to deny him her participation and emotional support. But the fact is that the less accessible the mother is during this period, the more persistently and desperately the child tries to gain her attention. If a child spends a lot of energy tracking where the mother is and seeking her attention, then there is not enough mental strength to understand the world, develop cognitive processes and other mental functions. It is important that the mother's attention is predictable for the baby. It happens that the mother ignores the child’s need for her; and in other periods (feeling guilty for his inattention, and trying to compensate for it) he rushes to the baby for any reason, even when he is completely coping with difficulties on his own. The mother's predictable emotional availability promotes the child's development of thinking processes, reduced anxiety, and the achievement of further autonomy. Mothers care