Every psychologist in his practice has encountered the problems of parents raising a “difficult” teenager. “He was a wonderful child, he studied well, helped, supported, and now... I don’t recognize him, I’m scared, but sometimes I catch myself thinking that I just hate him!” - parents bitterly admit. A “difficult” teenager is a child who cannot be controlled or influenced by adults, does not listen, does not help, and when asked for help is insolent, rude, or responds to the request with extreme dissatisfaction, as if you asked him for help. something extremely unpleasant. I want to talk a little about teenage boys, because... Girls usually have a slightly different scenario. As a rule, parents of boys seek help. Often their family does not have a natural father, and their relationship with their stepfather is strained or conflicting. Or there is a father, but he does not command respect from the child, because... abuses alcohol or is not at all interested in his son’s life. The mother is forced to devote most of her time to work, to provide for the family. Time passes, the child grows up, changes, and begins to understand something in life. Now he sees even more clearly that adults are not as strong and smart as he thought in childhood, and they say the wrong things, and live differently, and do not understand him at all. To adults, teenagers become impudent and disobedient children. “What problems could they have at their age, to study well, and that’s all! We do everything for them, they have something to eat and wear, a roof over their heads, they don’t live on the streets!” - say the parents. But teenagers have problems, and what other ones. And if you don’t solve them at this age, then a little later it will be extremely difficult to solve others. The leading type of activity in adolescence is intimate and personal communication. It is at this age that they must learn to communicate not only at the child-adult level, but also at the adult-adult level. How can you do this if you are treated like a child? A teenager is no longer a child, but not yet an adult. And not only adults, but also they themselves do not know how to communicate with him. The most important task of a person is to find his place in society. If they can express themselves and realize themselves, find a niche in society (at school, in sections, circles), then they are comfortable, and there are much fewer problems with them. And if not, then a feeling of discomfort appears, a feeling of failure, a “loser”, aggression, anxiety, and a feeling of uselessness increase. Everything gets worse when girls start liking them, and what girl would like a “loser”? “You can’t tell your parents, it feels like they’re only interested in the lessons! And what lessons are there when there is such pain in your soul that you no longer want to live and don’t want anything. Music helps out (hard rock or rap, which describe my condition), toys on the computer, this is good, you forget about all this unpleasant until your mother turns off the computer,” - this is what many teenagers say when describing their condition to a psychologist. In fact, When a teenager comes to a psychologist, for the first time he rarely turns to him on his own, of his own free will. As a rule, parents come in complete despair, not knowing what to do with him. When I am left alone with teenagers, I often observe in them a state of negativism (refusal to fulfill the requirements, or performing actions opposite to those required), in some - obvious aggression, in others - depression. They don’t want to talk and answer all questions: “Everything is fine, I don’t understand why they brought me here, I’m fine, it’s my mother’s problem, not me.” Here it is important not to frighten the teenager and try to establish a confidential dialogue with him. With the help of several exercises and projective techniques, I manage to surprise and win his trust. The teenager comes to the next lesson alone and asks questions that are important to him. For adults they would seem funny, but for him they are very important, and the main thing is to explain everything to them, show them with examples from life, teach them to draw conclusions on their own. By the look!