Every living thing has the energy of movement and destruction. A sprout, in order to turn into a tree, must destroy a seed in a very violent way. Without aggression, you can only sleep next to each other; in order to “get laid” you need a certain amount of aggression, you need passion. Sometimes a person there is a conscious or unconscious ban not only on aggressive actions, but also on feelings and thoughts. A ban on aggressive feelings helps to come to terms with a reality that does not suit you, but at the same time paralyzes the initiative for new beginnings. If a person finds it difficult to make any choice, he wants changes in life, but cannot decide on them, most likely, a significant part of aggressive feelings is not realized. But this does not deprive them of their power and ability to influence life. Suppressed anger can be projected outward or become self-aggression. At first glance, aggression projected externally is not so obvious, but it often returns as external blows. For example, when a stranger rudely comments on someone’s appearance or teaches others about life, this often causes quite obvious retaliatory aggression. Paradoxically, for the hidden aggressor this makes the situation more acceptable. It is they who are bad, external aggressors, and I am a holy sufferer, or I get the right to anger, cleansed of guilt, since it is reciprocal, “I wasn’t the one who started it first.” The so-called phenomena have a similar nature. “energy vampirism” and “trolling”. Another way that unconscious aggression finds in an attempt to discharge itself is by turning inward, on oneself. Auto-aggression can manifest itself somatically, in the form of exacerbation of chronic diseases, all sorts of methods of self-torture (from dangerous or exhausting sports to workaholism), in frequent “accidental” injuries of varying severity. Why is it so difficult to admit one’s anger and aggression? There are different reasons, often it’s related with the way the parents responded to the child's aggression. For example, they showed aggression in response, then the child associated his own aggression with pain, fear and mortal danger, or in response to childhood aggression, the mother immediately grabbed her heart and the child developed a taboo, because even the slightest hint of aggression can destroy a loved one. A child cannot survive without love and care, in order not to lose them, he is forced to adapt. To be exactly what they want him to be. When a person becomes an adult, this ceases to be an urgent need, but often becomes such a familiar way of interacting with people that it is very difficult to give it up. When (and if) he succeeds, he begins to distinguish between his own desires and those of others. Then he begins to see that not everything that is happening to him at the moment in his relationships with others is suitable for him. The ability to express aggression, to talk about his feelings of an aggressive nature, is necessary in relationships. In this way, one protects one’s own interests and reflects the aggression of others. How to express aggressive feelings without destroying oneself and others? When telling another that his behavior is unacceptable, it is important not to react. Focus on what is most relevant. Try to refrain from multi-volume lists that have been accumulated over the years and from presenting to your current interlocutor the grievances caused by others. Yes, this may not be easy if you haven’t had the habit of expressing your feelings and desires before, but every next time you will get better and better. Speak through I-messages specifically about your dissatisfaction, about your feelings. Be sure to clearly formulate your wishes .Sharing your feelings is important, but it's not everything. Be ready to listen to the other side, be ready for dialogue.