Over the past year, several clients have been coming in with the same theme: “I don’t think I’ll live long!” Fear of dying early, although there are no objective reasons for this: there are no serious physical illnesses or complex incurable diseases. One of the possible psychological reasons lies in the fact that the parents of this person at birth, in childhood, and perhaps this continues to this day are NOT GAVE THE PERSON A PLACE in the family system. That is, the person seems to exist, but it is as if he is not there. Let me explain. Some parents cannot accept the fact that children are separate individuals, and not a parental “appendage.” Relationships in these families have their own characteristics. The mother does not take into account the needs of her child, because she believes that she knows better what is best for the child. The child unconsciously understands that there is no place allocated for him: his needs are not taken into account, his opinion is devalued, he is treated as property. And he is also unconsciously trying to conquer this place. But now it will cost him extra effort: vital energy will flow away to places where it should not be spent at all. The child begins to assert his personality through successes and achievements. What does the mother do in this case? There are several options. Such a mother DEVALUES the child’s achievements and he still has no place in the family system. And he tries more and more. Or the mother attributes the child’s success to herself: “You play the violin so well because I sent you to music school!”, “Are you getting A’s in English? This is because the English teacher knows and respects ME well!” That is, again, there is no place for the child among his successes. Here is how one of the clients describes her condition: “Imagine how any victory, immediately taken away by the mother, becomes the reason for flying into the abyss. And you’re flying, and it’s scary, and there’s panic, and the dull darkness around you that closes in on you, and it’s better to get to the bottom faster than to endure it, to feel it. This is your life, because you are a living dead... and then guilt enters the arena: how can I think like that about my mother? did she give me life? did she help me? did she teach me? and maybe she loved her in her own way... And this is how my whole life moves from side to side, but when will I live?!” This can go on forever. What happens in this case to the child, and then to the adult? He feels that his strength has been wasted, and there is STILL NO PLACE FOR HIM... And apathy, a decrease in mood, emptiness sets in, and it is no longer his mother’s, but his own conviction that “there is no place for me in this world...” A positive resolution to this situation will consist in in order to “outgrow” your mother and not look for a place in her system, but create your own and live life to the fullest! "The Seven Deadly Sins of Parenthood" A book about the main mistakes of parents that can affect the fate of the child