Codependency is a state of deep absorption, emotional, physical (and any other) dependence on a partner, which arises on the basis of an unconscious merging of psychological boundaries. As a result, one spouse (sometimes both) can be so attached that they tolerate the partner’s abusive or irresponsible behavior and do not go anywhere, which the other partner selfishly takes advantage of. With psychological merging, the boundaries between one’s own personality and one’s partner are blurred, and it is difficult to recognize both one’s own feelings and emotions, as well as the experiences of one’s partner. Codependent in merging - this is how we find the heroine of the film “Marriage Story,” Nicole. A beautiful, creatively gifted, loving and caring young woman lives (after moving) with her husband in New York. My husband is a talented theater director. Together they work in the theater and raise their son. However, not everything is so rosy in their happy marriage. Nicole is too caring about her husband and son to the detriment of her own desires and needs. An indicative episode is where she, in the role of a home hairdresser, cuts her husband and son’s hair (her husband is in the role of a second child, and she is in the role of a mother for both). Meanwhile, the Mother-Son role position is deadly for married life - sex gradually disappears. The husband cheats on Nicole with one of his colleagues, which we learn about during the course of the film. And this is typical for all codependents. They place relationships with a partner and family above self-realization. Ideally, a person should enter into marriage already self-realized, finding a compromise, a balance between his own and his partner’s needs, and not turn into “service personnel.” Nicole’s husband, Charlie, on the contrary, is a self-confident and self-centered man (this also manifests itself in relation to his son , to whom he imposes a plan for a children's party without taking into account the wishes of the latter). Uncontrollably and selfishly, he uses his wife’s physical and mental resources, without giving her anything (he could have given her the main role in his play, as many directors do). Moreover, he behaves in a toxic way - he criticizes Nicole’s acting almost in bed (which greatly frustrates her, because this is her most vulnerable spot). Thus, he digs a grave for his marriage - Nicole files for divorce. Why is this state of affairs in their marital union possible? Nicole probably has low self-esteem - she initially adapts to a more dominant partner, perhaps counting on self-realization through her husband (many women do this). But alas, it didn’t work out. Her sacrifices (moving and abandoning her own creative plans) did not justify themselves. And the second point: she doesn’t tell her husband anything about her feelings and thoughts, about her needs. On the contrary, it hides them. And this is a strategic mistake, fatal for relationships (any emotions have a cumulative effect). My prognosis is not comforting for codependent relationships. They are full of pain and suffering for one (or both) partners. Temporary distancing (traveling, for example) can improve them, but when they resume living together, old problems will arise. In the last episode of the film, Nicole carefully ties her husband’s shoelaces (although one could simply draw his attention to this fact, but no, she does it herself! ). What could this mean? A codependent will always engage in servility. Without personal therapy, awareness and change in behavior patterns does not occur. A person ALWAYS returns to his usual roles, steps on the old rake...