I’ll start with the fact that humanity tirelessly asks the question: “What is love?”: is it a feeling, and if so, what is it, how does it arise, to whom and for what reasons, why does it go away and cause suffering. In my work I will try to figure this out. In my understanding, a person is a biosocial being, what does this tell us? We are born with an individual genetic makeup, our brain functions and acts with the help of neurotransmitters, they also transmit signals to parts of the brain, where all the information is subsequently stored, a kind of “memory card”. Thus, the author of the study from the National Autonomous Institute of Mexico, J. M. Flores, calls love a disease caused by the brain's production of certain chemical compounds that accumulate in neurons. We crave the non-judgmental, absolute love that we receive from our mothers as soon as we are born. A woman can feel unconditional love for her baby instantly, she loves him from the moment he is in her womb. I see in this, first of all, a biological connection between two organisms, which for a certain period of time become united, being in full symbiote contact and thereby giving birth to biological love. The baby is not yet aware of his feelings, but is able to feel the mother’s warmth and safety next to her. So, until a certain age, he develops a dependence on the sensations of being close to his mother. It should be noted that the ability to form relationships based on non-judgmental love develops in early infancy on the basis of a normal maternal relationship. Growing up, starting from the age of 6, the child begins to need his father's love, authority and guidance from his father. And here the mother’s function is to provide the child with security in life, and the father’s function is to educate him so that he can cope with the problems that society poses to the child. “Mother’s love is expressed by the biblical symbol of the Promised Land, described as “abounding in milk and honey.” Milk is a symbol of the first aspect of love, care and affirmation. Honey symbolizes the joy of life, love for it, and the happiness of being alive. Most mothers are able to produce "milk", but only a minority also produce "honey". To be able to give honey, a mother must not only be a good mother, but also a happy person, and this goal is achieved by few”: from the book by Yu.B. Gippenreiter “Introduction to General Psychology.” And so, the baby continues to grow and becomes less dependent on the mother, tries to separate, to show independence, but his desire to “receive” from the mother does not change, the desire to receive unconditional love and complete acceptance remains unchanged. Growing up, he certainly encounters a society that shows, sometimes rudely and reflects to him, that simply the way his mother loves him, they will no longer love him, and here a conflict arises that lasts for some for the rest of their lives. The reason for the conflict lies in the soul’s desire for absolute love and the subsequent reflection of the world on the impossibility of this. The baby grows up, becomes a teenager, later enters puberty and does not realize the reasons for attraction to certain people, but confidently declares that this is love. But in fact, it is just a series of chemical reactions that are integrated into the unconscious or “supraconscious”. They are based on internal memory (similar character, timbre of voice, demeanor, smell, habits), which in turn very quickly forms a chain of reactions in the brain. We see how closely psychological and biochemical processes are intertwined: the state of falling in love is accompanied by the production of a large the amount of neurotransmitters - hormones responsible for our mood and behavior. At this stage, people feel an irresistible craving, attraction, literally dependence on an object, although this may also be an open gestalt, a desire to receive additional mother’s love in the person of a suitable object. But people still firmly call it “love.” In factApart from a chemical reaction, a biological one, there is nothing else here. Time passes, people look back at their partner in horror, sincerely do not understand: “Where has the love gone? Was she there? This is how the first family crisis arises (in the interval of 3-7 years), when the former connection in the brain no longer works, because over time, the amount of neurotransmitters comes to the physiological norm and the acuity of perception becomes dulled, we notice the shortcomings of the partner, we see him “as he is.” " F. Beigbeder’s book “Love Lives for 3 Years” is about the same thing. And rapid divorces occur and again an endless search for those same emotions, sensations, euphoria. Unfortunately, this change of partners may never end.E. Fromm writes: “The first step that needs to be taken is to realize that love is an art, the same as the art of living: if we want to learn to love, we must do exactly the same as we have to do when we want to learn any another art, say, music, painting, carpentry, medicine or engineering.” I’ll give an example from Gary Chapman’s book “The 5 Love Languages”: “If we want mutual understanding, we need to know each other’s desires. If we want to love each other, we must know what the other wants. Love doesn't keep track of mistakes. Love doesn't remember mistakes. None of us are perfect. We don't always do the right thing. It happened that we offended each other with words and actions. We can't erase the past. We can only admit our guilt. We can ask for forgiveness and prevent this from happening in the future.” But we always have a choice: to judge or forgive. If we judge, then we are judges, our defendants are criminals. True intimacy between us is impossible. If you choose forgiveness, then close relationships can be restored, because forgiveness is the path of love. Thus, only when each of us begins to be sincerely interested in the other, not from the desire to only “receive” love, to enjoy, but to live in the process of “giving” to another , we can come closer to understanding this feeling. This is a long, complex internal work on your egoism. We all want to “receive”, and in order to “give”, we must first of all be filled ourselves, which means not being a half looking for another half, but being whole, which means we will have to spend time on introspection, study our reactions, track triggers, gradually becoming an adult, conscious person who, first of all, knows herself, accepts herself, loves herself, and out of a sense of her own fullness is ready and able to “give” to others. And so love no longer manifests itself as a desire just to merge together, but to strengthen a couple in the mutual dance of two integral personalities. Such love will not be afraid of society (with all its tempting options), storms and bad weather will not be afraid, because they both know that only together they become such a huge force that allows them to cope with everything together, gives support and support. And love acquires the properties of faith and can work truly miracles. But it can also happen that someone despairs of finding love in another, comes to religion, looks for it in God, the Creator, the Universe and finds it in humility, the point is, that the search begins in the unidentified, unattainable, unknown. And here, too, comes love, but a different one, from the Creator to his creations, comes calmness and serenity, and along with this to everything that is also created. And a person learns to see what he did not notice before, did not appreciate, did not see, as if he were blind and regained his sight, new facets in himself are revealed to the person, new properties, previously unknown, that is, a kind of self-reflection occurs through a Higher Power, but it still happens .I came to the conclusion that the ways to find love, to gain it, may be different, but they all lead a person to himself first of all. Only a lot of work with oneself, painstaking work, necessarily honest, open, recognition of all one’s weaknesses, discovery of attachments, will allow a person to feel this magical feeling. And when it opens inside, it first enters carefully, stealthily right into the soul, as if».