Dear, my subscribers! Yes, there are too many fashionable and seemingly rating words in our conversation today. Few modern people who are interested in psychology are not familiar with these concepts, but nevertheless, let's understand! It is obvious that the problem of abusive relationships, the dynamics of the growth of this phenomenon is a real scourge of the modern world. Let's try, by the way, to figure out why at the same time? So. Abusive relationships are relationships in which a partner violates the personal boundaries of another person, humiliates, and allows cruelty in communication and actions in order to suppress the will of the victim. In this type of relationship, the victim and the aggressor do not change places; the victim, for a number of reasons, cannot leave this relationship (based on Wikipedia materials). I think each of us has encountered a similar type of relationship in our lives, be it friendship, love relationships, work relationships, etc. When a partner does not see personal boundaries, by belittling and suppressing your personality, he asserts himself, and you seem to wither and wither next to him. . Self-esteem falls, and the person seems to feed on this and often begins to benefit from this state of yours, in some cases material, but often simply feeding on your energy. He is not interested in your comfort, moreover, it seems dangerous to him. He creates a complex circuit around you, forming your total dependence on him. You seem to be on a leash and cannot resist this influence. Let's try to consider a typical relationship with a typical abuser using the example of the 2015 feature film, Big Eyes. The film is based on real events, so we can safely rely on its plot. as a living model of this type of relationship. So, the action takes place in the early 60s in America. The heroine of the film, a young artist who has just gone through a difficult divorce, with a little daughter in her arms, faces reality, where she needs to feed and provide for her child. This is not easy, because the heroine is an incredibly gifted, but absolutely devoid of practicality, girl; she draws unusual paintings that few people understand and very rarely buy. And then one day she meets Him - a congenial (also an artist), sensitive, attentive. Understanding at a glance. He proposes to her almost immediately. And then attention!!! We are observing the first sign, rather a suspicion, that this is an abuser. 1. As a rule, the abuser chooses the right victim - a person who has recently experienced a difficult drama (divorce, loss of loved ones). An abuser, by the way, is a deeply complex, wounded individual who seeks recompensation by suppressing the will and destroying the self-esteem of another person. That is why a partner weakened by life circumstances often becomes his victim. He can't pull anything strong. This is why I always advise my patients, after divorce, severe stress and loss, not to rush into a new relationship - in addition to the fact that you need time to experience your new condition, there is a very high risk of stumbling upon an abuser. The first sign is that everything is too sweet, smooth and fast. They surround you with attention, sometimes bordering on the norm, they strive to get closer as quickly as possible, they make an offer to move in together, to legitimize the relationship. Raised to heaven, admiration knows no bounds. 2. Let's return to the film. The heroes' life together is almost ideal, except that the young husband is practically unable to provide for the life of the new family. The artist continues to create, and here the first signs of abuse begin to appear, when the husband begins to gently form in the girl’s mind the first signs of self-doubt - his irreplaceability in her life, cultivating her image of an impractical person, periodically referring to her inadequacy in the profession. At this stage, everything is almost perfect - the same care, only with a touch