Clients often come to me who have problems in relationships with their husbands and partners against the backdrop of low self-esteem. During consultations, women utter a lot of negative introjects - phrases that they often heard from their mothers addressed to them, and which over time, their opinion about themselves became: “I’m ugly,” “I’m stupid,” “I’m not fit for life,” “Nobody needs me,” “How can you love someone like me?” etc. In their minds, there are many bright, smart and successful women around, with whom they cannot compete adequately. Such low self-esteem leads women to false beliefs that “I must do everything to please my man, I have no right to my desires, needs, to any confrontation with him, because if he leaves me, I will be forced to live in loneliness and poverty." They mistakenly abandon themselves, becoming an appendage of a man, and the panicky fear that a man will be "taken away from the family" forces them to live in constant anxious anticipation of betrayal, to strengthen control. This whole series of mistakes precisely leads to the fact that a man loses interest in them. In addition, women constantly express to their partners their doubts about their love and fidelity: “It seems to me that you don’t love me,” “I saw that you behaved differently with her”...Perhaps they say this to hear refutation, however, such phrases, on the contrary, have the effect of a self-fulfilling prophecy. When a man sees a woman’s uncertainty, over time he himself begins to doubt the correctness of his choice, and then even feel sorry for himself that his personal life did not work out, and that he could have been much more happier with Sveta, with whom I once sat at the same desk in elementary school. If a woman does not value herself, then a man ceases to value her. Seeing cooling or even complete ignorance on the part of her partner, a woman becomes even more convinced of the idea of ​​​​her unattractiveness, worthlessness, and decides to compensate for this imaginary idea with sacrificial behavior - she turns into her husband’s shadow, into a service staff, hushes up dissatisfaction, begins to save on herself, She’s already more accustomed to wearing an old robe - she doesn’t need to waste time and money buying a beautiful dress and then think about where to wear it. Even when she comes to the store and looks at beautiful things, a woman begins to feel guilty, as if she does not deserve to spend money on herself. Plunging more and more into self-sacrifice and masochism, a woman expects gratitude from her partner, but does not receive it, because... the partner is already accustomed to the fact that everything happens as a matter of course: “if you are unattractive and incapable of more, then what you do for me is your compensation.” A woman against the backdrop of such a consumer attitude, the author of which she herself was, allowing blurring her boundaries, devalue and self-depreciate her needs, she loses herself even more. Her inferiority complex and idealization of her partner grow even more. As a result, control and despondency increase. Gradually, the relationship begins to burst at the seams. Sex disappears because it becomes difficult for a man to feel attracted to the likeness of his mother, when initially he saw in a woman, first of all, a lover and ally, an interesting person. A woman has become so convinced of her unattractiveness and worthlessness that it often takes a lot of time, in order to form a different image of herself in her. Moreover, the personality that I see is noticeably different from the client’s self-presentation. As a rule, I see a beautiful woman with a strong inner core who has directed all her achievement potential towards her man, instead of investing in herself and developing autonomously. In such a situation, parental transference is also triggered when she transfers her feelings and expectations, which are actually addressed to her mother/father, to the man. According to the rule of the Zeigarnik effect, unfinished actions are best remembered, and trauma is incompleteness, a situation in which a person did not get what he wanted,.