In order to understand your reasons for codependency, you need to go back to your childhood. This confirms the evolutionary approach to the development of codependency, which was discussed in one of the previous articles: https://www.b17.ru/article/56720/It may be that you yourself will not be able to remember your early childhood and the events that took place in German Perhaps there are people who can help you with this. Those who witnessed your childhood. You may also find that your memories and the memories of other people will be different. Your feelings accompanying the impressions of experiences in childhood are of great importance. It is feelings that accurately reflect your impressions and leave a mark on your memory and body. Also, a huge contribution to the search for the causes of codependency can be found in the present time and real relationships. It is the relationships that are developing in the present that reflect your unfinished problems that originate from childhood. Scott Peck in 1978 described the relationship between falling in love and childhood as follows: “In some respects (but certainly not in all) the act of falling in love is an act of regression. The experience of a feeling of connection with a loved one has its echoes from the times when we were united with our mothers in infancy.” In infancy, the child does not feel time; for him, there is only a happy, present “bliss” next to his mother. During the period of falling in love in a codependent relationship, relationships with a partner can be experienced in a similar way: Rare meetings and a desire for intimacy. And in moments of intimacy, time seems to stop. At the same time, the partner’s addiction to alcohol is ignored (as if not noticed), and subsequently his disrespectful attitude. But the desire to be with him remains... always... In infancy, when the child is hungry, he cries. When his mother does not respond to his cries immediately, he waits. This wait may seem like an eternity to the child, but in fact it may be several minutes. I will illustrate a similar situation in the present in codependent relationships: When a partner does not answer the call. Let’s say he went to the store after work and didn’t return home. There is anxiety and a feeling of inaccessibility. The first thought: “I’ll call you in an hour,” but the experience is unbearable and within five minutes repeated calls are made. Do this every five minutes for an hour. At this time, anxious thoughts fly through your head: Is your partner angry? Where is he (s) and with whom, perhaps with the other person? Has something serious happened? What if there is an accident, an accident? It seems that there is no way to get rid of these thoughts. Find similarities between this situation and the situation with a baby who is unable to survive without the care of his parents. If the baby's needs were not met (other concerns of the parents, their needs and problems, health problems, certain beliefs about upbringing) and he could not spend all his time in this blissful state, then most likely, becoming an adult, these needs will remain unsatisfied. And already as an adult, a person needs to recreate a symbiotic unity with his partner. At the same time, he cannot become psychologically independent and autonomous. He will again and again try to return to the “blissful state of exclusivity.” Phrases characteristic of such a person: “I don’t feel like I’m living if I’m not in a love relationship.” “I don’t feel like a full-fledged person without him/her. He/she makes me feel like a complete person.” “I will die if I lose him/her. My life will lose meaning. I can never be happy again.” “I feel very insecure without him/her. When we are close, I feel safe.” An illusion is formed that everything that the parents did not provide can now be given by the person with whom there is a connection in the present. You can read more about this in the previous article: Codependency and denial https://www.b17.ru/article/56840/Living with this illusion, a person is constantly looking for a way to keep him close/