I want to write a little about emotional swings - almost the worst state of affairs in a relationship. This is when together is impossible, and apart is impossible. This situation is also called “a suitcase without a handle”, when at times it becomes very difficult to endure and you want to give up everything, but this thought fills you with horror, because the value in this “suitcase” suddenly turns out to be somehow enormous... And... back and forth... Familiar ?Why do I say that “the situation is from the worst”? Because such a “perpettum mobile” is an ingenious design that can live forever, “if I replace the batteries” (c). Movement in one direction gives energy to return in the opposite direction. That is, the poles feed each other. Do you know why? Due to extremes, excess, exaltation, due to everything refined: if love is to the grave, if you separate, then forever... So, in each of the poles there is very little reality, very little presence. Perception seems to be flattened, halftones and volume go away... Again, why? Because of being in the affect - a very strong feeling - which sweeps away everything: the context of what is happening, the probable feelings of the partner, everything else, your own experiences - in short, everything that is called common sense. But in fact, the affect itself arises at the moment of the collapse of a certain fundamental Idea - the very axis on which this entire structure rests. “This is the love of my life!” - “No, my real “half” cannot leave me!” ... “Yes, but we have children!” - “This person is not worthy to be next to me!”... Back and forth... How to stop this pendulum? The first thing you need to do is to criticize the Idea: why should you be together, in what place, why you?.. Then, shift the focus from ideas about how it should be to your real feelings and needs. Analyze and honestly admit to myself: what I get in this relationship, and what I never get to experience in it; how do I pay, what do I invest, and who needs it; what holds me back and what drives me away, etc. In short, back to reality. Describe everything with utmost honesty to yourself, without embellishment, and you can even do it on paper. Like this. Stop, listen to yourself, admit everything to yourself – or even better, to your partner – and for the first time not make any (radical) decisions. Simply: “for now,” “I don’t know yet,” “whatever happens,” “we’ll see”... And from now on, keep the Focus of attention on yourself, let your feelings and desires be the criterion for all impulses, which at the same time should not be hidden . Yes, and here’s one more thing, almost the most important: don’t be patient! Show the world (him, her) what is happening to you, share your experiences, throw out what is too much for you. Remember: you have nothing to lose but yourself! No Idea will be truer than what is bubbling in your chest. Take risks, get out of your comfort zone, if you don’t want to ride from Hell to Heaven all your life. All pendulums exist on the energy of fear - and, therefore, suppression, restraining oneself in the “name of something”, but in the name of what?.. If you are not there. And so, when you manage to see the absurdity of fears and part with them, then the dilemma: throw away the “suitcase” or drag it on will simply disappear! Because there will be a third, fourth... tenth (creative) solution to how to deal with this now. And not a decision at all, but a living stream of sensory-meaningful experience, here-and-now, with loyalty to oneself and maximum clarity of what is happening.