Close, but not together. The most common complaint of parents of growing children can be considered a lack of mutual understanding with each other. Surprisingly, the majority of mothers and fathers, although annoyed by this circumstance, are still not inclined to consider it something out of the ordinary - many see the “conflict of generations” and the “problem of fathers and children” as a “inevitable evil” and a manifestation of a typical patterns of life. However, contrary to this popular belief, any parent can independently improve the quality of mutual understanding with their child, thereby avoiding (or at least mitigating) the manifestations of this generational conflict. Moreover, a responsible parent interested in the good future of his child considers this his important duty. It may be trivial, but in many ways the quality of the relationship between the child and parents suffers due to lack of time. Not a shortage of time for busy parents. And because of the lack of time spent as a family together. No, this is not the same thing, and the second is not a consequence of the first. Because even if you are not absent, but are at the same point in time and space with your child, this does not mean that you are together. It just means that you are close to him. The difference between these two concepts is the same as between the bakery that is located next to your house and a symphony orchestra, where different musical instruments, sounding together, create a unique musical picture. That is, the difference is that together is when there is a common goal and joint complementary activities to achieve it. Therefore, even if a parent and child are in the same room with each other, but both are busy with their own business, and not common, they are just close, but not together. Add here the influence of numerous information noises, such as TV, computer, telephone, which have become integral attributes of life, and you will understand why even parents who see their child every day sometimes hardly know him. And they discover this fact for themselves only after something out of the ordinary happens. Even such a seemingly ordinary circumstance as a TV constantly running in the house negatively affects the quality of interaction between children and parents, especially if we are talking about a small child. This has been experimentally proven. In a study conducted by scientists at the University of Massachusetts (USA), about 50 children aged 1 to 3 years were studied. Scientists observed the interaction of children with their mothers and fathers twice: first for half an hour in a joint game without a TV, then while the TV was on and broadcast a program for adults. During this time, scientists recorded how often adults and children communicated with each other. how they are involved in games, whether they are sensitive to the needs of others (and vice versa). As a result, when the television was turned on, the quantity and quality of interactions between parents and children suddenly dropped. Parents became less active than when the TV was turned off, were distracted by the images and sounds from the screen and were not attuned to their children. The conclusions are obvious. The small question is: how can parents change the situation for the better? An old play in new scenery is a premiere. Have you noticed that if you look at yourself in a mirror in an unusual place, you will definitely notice some details and nuances that were not seen in your “native” mirror at home? Or how does one and the same thing, as soon as it is moved to another place, begin to look new, differently? So are the people who surround us, incl. and our loved ones - and, therefore, children - acquire a certain stereotypical image in our everyday perception. But as soon as we change the “context”, the environment, we discover new facets in them, as if we see them with different eyes. Any new business, activity in which all family members, including the child, will be involved, allows this effect to manifest itself in the best possible way. At the same time, it is better if it is something outside the scope of ordinary householdfamily affairs, and will be associated with new experiences, new experiences and impressions for the child and parents. The main thing is that during this new activity, the child and parents have the opportunity to actively interact with each other, united by a common goal. What kind of activities could these be? 1. Playing sports together (and even participating in family competitions).2. Family hiking trip (preferably on foot, even a short one - on the weekend).3. Joint creativity (for example, many family centers practice so-called family theaters, where entire families are involved in performances).4. Joint creation of something useful (I know an example where parents and their son collected material bit by bit and compiled something like a family chronicle of several generations on both the maternal and paternal lines from the point of view of how events in the history of the country, from the revolution of 1905 to this day, influenced the destinies of their relatives - it turned out to be an impressive volume with photo chronicles, excerpts from letters, etc.) Of course, these are examples from the realm of the ideal. And even if joint sports is expressed in the fact that in winter on weekends you decide to go skiing together in the forest for at least a couple of hours, and in the summer to ride bicycles, this will already have a beneficial effect. And a hiking trip does not necessarily mean conquering mountains, because even if you just go to pick mushrooms or go fishing all together, it will probably be pleasant for both you and the child (of course, if such an event does not turn into a banal “breakaway” for adults in nature with alcohol and etc.) In general, everything depends on our imagination and desire. It is important that all participants in the process are sincerely interested in such a common cause, so that it brings pleasure to everyone and is not a formality or coercion. Thus, a parent can confidently expect that in such joint activities he will be able to get to know his child better, and the better and deeper you know, the easier it is to build bridges of mutual understanding. It must be taken into account that the child will also experience this effect - he will see his parents in a different way than usually, light. Therefore, it would be good to use this chance to demonstrate to the child, through his parental example and behavior, a certain educational role model, to strengthen his respect for his parents and even pride in his family. Of course, this imposes special responsibility on parents and increases the requirements for self-control, self-discipline and the ability to foresee the consequences of their words or actions in a given situation. The best option would be to organize an activity in which the family will be included in its entirety. The fact of the unification of all members families in a joint business has the most beneficial effect and helps to ensure that everyone has the opportunity to feel like part of a single team. If, in the process of some joint activity, you organically include the child in feasible tasks that will be interesting for him to perform; if you also think about how to fill this time in an exciting way with activities that inspire the child and sparkle in his eyes; if you think over the content of this activity not only in accordance with your ideas about expediency and comfort, but also based on the interests of the child; if all this time you are together, and not just nearby, then you will not have to wait long and soon you will feel positive changes. If you can create a feeling of closeness, friendship, and a special family spirit during such family activities, then all this wonderful “baggage” acquired in the process will remain with you after. And then all that remains is to support, strengthen and develop these positive consequences. It's no secret that childhood memories leave a deep imprint on a person's entire future life. Now try to remember your own childhood - perhaps in your memories there will be some episode where you and your family were together, did something pleasant and exciting together, and you felt good being around.