From the author: “Marriage is a long conversation punctuated by arguments.” Robert Stevenson Crises of family life. How do they manifest themselves? For normal functioning in life, a person needs another person and in order to learn to “be” together, people learn to accept other people into their world, with their character and needs. And living together, day after day, year after year, disagreements and desires, responsibilities and problems arise, from which family crises arise. And how the spouses cope with these crises will determine the continued existence of the family. In a word, everyone experiences family crises and this has its own essence. There are some crises in the life of a family, without which the family itself would not exist as the integrity of our society. The first crisis can be called the crisis of the first year of life together. Family trips to relatives and friends, first family birthdays, New Year and other holidays are a stage of construction ruled the family. For some in the family, the holidays were stormy, with all the relatives, but for others not. It would seem that this is a common thing, but the first family quarrels arise due to a difference of views. For one in the parental family, finances were a common focus, while for the other, one person was responsible. It is important to treat your partner's family with respect. In such moments, spouses must come to an agreement, ask about traditions, and tell each other what they are ready for and what they are not. This crisis stage undergoes many changes, it serves as a grinding in of relationships, here the spouses are still living their love and “trodden” the road to the further path of family development. As a rule, at the beginning of a relationship, a couple is in a kind of fusion, in which joint everyday actions are clearly manifested, where the husband and wife often use the pronoun “WE”, where there are no boundaries in the relationship. But there is a source of problems, levels that all couples reach. This is the external, interpersonal and intrapersonal level. The external level of problems can arise during military operations, natural disasters, etc. Here the family finds a way to survive. The interpersonal level of problems arises when people interact with each other - between children and parents, between the families of husband and wife, etc. The intrapersonal level of problems can arise, for example, if one of the family members has some kind of illness or one of the spouses had a difficult childhood. From all these three sources various crisis situations arise. Each psychologically healthy family goes through its own crisis and thus learns to live in this world, with its own rules and rules of society. And when a couple finds a common place in the family system, weighing their capabilities and determining their needs, they move on to the next crisis stage of the relationship - the birth of a child. Another question is how do the lives of those couples who do not have children work out? There is an opinion that a family undergoes a crisis in the first year, three years, seven, etc. Do they also live through such annual crises? Yes, they do, but in a different way, beyond their years. Each childless family experiences its crises differently. The life of such a couple is based on values ​​and mutual agreement. They are faced with the question of how ready the spouses are to be together and how they will live their lives, what they will do and what they are ready for. Possibly for adoption?! Then such a family becomes complete and is one of those families that go through the crises of the first year, three years, seven, etc. The crisis of the birth of a child. The second crisis of the family is the birth of a child, and maybe more than one. As mentioned above, the family begins to experience all family crises with the birth of children. At each particular age of the child, the family experiences a crisis, new rules, agreements and responsibilities. We can safely say that all family crises are associated with childhood crises, i.e. this starts with pregnancy planning, support of pregnancy and childbirth, and, of course, the process of education itselfchildren. How young parents feel about this stage of family relationships also determines their future existence. For a woman, this is the first event in her life - becoming a mother. All those emotional experiences and changes that she undergoes during the entire nine months of pregnancy provide a starting point in the development of the child. Whether the child is desired by both parents, whether the mother’s condition is stable, whether the psychological climate in the family is healthy, whether the husband supports his wife during this period, all this affects the future baby and his family. Even in the womb, the child learns to feel her emotional state, which later passes on to the child himself. And then the day comes when the baby is born. This is a trembling and extraordinary feeling. This is where one of the most important steps begins, entering the second crisis of the family, when you, as a parent, begin to bear responsibility for someone else’s life. At these moments, the family moves to another level of relations, where new family rules and responsibilities must be discussed. Young parents begin to learn to live with a new family member. This period is very difficult for a woman. Having given birth to a child, a young mother finds herself feeling that all she is capable of is caring for the child, and household chores and her usual way of life are left behind. And this certain helplessness of hers can manifest itself in an unstable emotional state, in mood swings, which can lead her into postpartum depression. This is where the husband should be “nearby”. Even if the wife has “helpers” like mothers and grandmothers, she will still need her husband’s support. And the young dad, in turn, must show patience and understanding, which is also not easy. And he will also need support, since for him this is a very important event - becoming a father. Feeling the support of her husband, the young mother begins to learn to live and raise a child. The emotional layer is very important in raising children. This is part of the parental position, thanks to which further family values ​​are formed. This is how parents live out their new status for up to a year. Everything about how parents will emotionally interact with each other, how the mother will feel about her baby, his needs for crying, screaming, visits to doctors and vaccinations, first teeth, all this will affect further development. With each new behavioral manifestation of the baby, the parents themselves change. These are the first steps, where responsibility for the child increases, and a taste of everything that is in the house, etc. After a year, the child develops an image of his “I” and here both parents need to be given the freedom to try to do something on their own. This is how the family develops together with the child and adapts until the age of three, going through the law of development and homeostasis. The crisis of three years. Now, the child is already three years old, and the time has come for a new crisis in the family. The “I MYSELF” crisis is obstinacy, stubbornness, despotism, devaluation of one’s parents. It's difficult for parents. It lasts up to five years. It is important to go through it, both for the child and for the parents. Parents often experience a feeling of shame for themselves and their child. This happens because of their child’s hysterics and falling on the floor in crowded places. During this period, the child “embeds” himself between mom and dad and attracts a lot of attention. Quarrels and misunderstandings may arise between parents due to the behavior of the baby. It is important here to show the child that mom and dad love him, but also to show that there are family rules and boundaries. At home, the child interacts with the world of his parents and emotional disagreements in the family, which can occur in front of the child’s eyes, can cause the baby to show his disobedience with all his appearance and behavior. This period is one of the most difficult in the family. Here, the mother’s self-esteem may decrease, due to her inability to raise a child, as well as her competence as a wife, since during this period she is busy raising a three-year-old. The father provides for the family, he is the main breadwinner, and taking care of the baby falls on the mother. Acceptance by a married couple that this is inevitable, that it is soAn organized family life will help get through this crisis. There must be mutual support and understanding. Usually, during this period, many families decide to send their child to kindergarten. There he joins the social atmosphere, educators and psychologists work with him. It becomes easier for parents, they can pay more attention to each other and gradually the crisis of three years passes into preschool childhood. Preschool childhood. Is this stage a crisis for the family? Not everyone. Preschool childhood lasts from five to seven years, until the child goes to school. At this age, children learn to distinguish and understand their feelings. They already understand that there may be conflicts between mom and dad. At this age, the child’s behavior and character are formed. The child develops self-esteem and the concept of socialization. At this stage, the family must also change family rules - teach the child to be independent. Parents need to be careful in their conversations and their actions, since at this age the child absorbs the behavioral pattern of the family. This is also the play period in which mom and dad should show their interest in his games. This stage serves as the moment the child enters first grade. The seven-year crisis. Here the life of the family changes completely. The child goes to school. Parents are especially worried because during this period they “show” who they raised and how. This crisis also manifests itself in the fact that it is difficult for a child to move from the play stage to the learning stage. It is not easy for parents to accustom their little schoolchild to the educational process. And what is important is what the first teacher’s approach to the child will be, how parents and the school will interact. Mom and dad will have to try to be close to the child, support him and help him cope with the new environment and with his studies. And here it is also important to change the rules and responsibilities of each family member - this is responsibility for studies, etc. Having entered the educational process, tension in the family subsides, and the child deepens in knowledge. It is believed that the calmest period of childhood is the acquisition of knowledge. It lasts until adolescence. Crisis of adolescence. This crisis begins from 11 to 16 years. It is the pinnacle of the transition from childhood to adulthood. It can be considered the last childhood crisis. For parents and for the whole family, it is considered the most difficult. This is the time when intense emotions occur between parents and children. Children become very sensitive, quick-tempered, and devalue their family, friends and school. The hormonal background changes, the teenager grows, begins to evaluate himself critically, compares himself with others, and devalues ​​his appearance. He tries to separate himself from his parents, organizes riots, protests and thus distinguishes his “I”. A child from a family environment goes out into the world. He tries to understand who “I am”, studies himself and his environment, he tries to separate himself from his parents. It becomes very difficult for parents during this period. After all, only recently their child obediently fulfilled their requests, and now, because of trifles, he explodes emotionally. It is difficult to be patient and accept that a child has already become a teenager. And when a family resists some changes, the whole family system resists. The emotional background of the family is heating up, and what the parents do with the child depends on a lot in the family. Talking with a teenager, giving the right to be listened to, criticizing less, and sharing more of your experience as a parent, will give a chance for healthy interaction in the family, and take into account the teenager's personal boundaries. Seeking help from specialist psychologists will also help you get through and understand this period of life. The teenage crisis cannot be prevented, since it is an obligatory process of a child growing up. The relationship between parents also plays a big role during this period. The restructuring of family rules, the different needs of each family member, and emotional changes serve as tension in the relationship between husband and wife. But the ability to give in, negotiate and express your various feelings will serve as an impetus for strengthening family relationships.!