From the author: Forms and variations, causes and consequences, hopelessness and powerlessness... How is this about anger? Often the biggest problem of neurotically organized individuals is the prohibition on anger. Borderline - an expression of anger, maddening rage, which floods from within and splashes out without inhibition. Depressive breakdowns, hysterics, whims that cause anger - all this is about her. About anger. And its different forms. It is important to know that...1. It's okay to be angry. This is the same feeling as tenderness, envy, love, sadness, longing and sadness. Feelings, unlike emotions, which arise immediately and are essentially reactive, last longer. They are not always immediately recognizable. And they have a greater chance of becoming both conscious and disturbed, and of remaining repressed. Because for some reason it’s “safer” at the moment. Upon analysis, it turns out that now the situation is not the same as in childhood and the person is no longer a child. And the ban on feeling still determines character and influences the course of a person’s life. Every family has favorite feelings, familiar ones. And those that you think you don’t experience at all. We all come from our families. In some families they prefer to be sad and yearn, in others they laugh a lot, in others they complain and lament. Have you noticed?)2. You need to be angry in the right way. Now there is a misconception that if you are angry, you don’t need to keep it inside. Sometimes clients feel so much anger that it is difficult to keep it inside. She wants to react. Release. Otherwise, “he’ll tear it up like a hamster”)) Not my words). But the truth is very strong feelings. But! This is nothing more than a horror story). It won’t tear for sure). And people note this with surprise when they move away from impulsive behavior. This belief is more likely to be shared by those who use it to cover up their bad and cheeky behavior. “Well, you can’t hold back. I'll get sick. And it doesn’t matter that you’ve already been crushed to death by rage, the main thing is that I took care of myself.” Well, that's baby talk, honestly. Dear ones, it is not the suppression of a conscious feeling that poses a threat to your health! What can really hurt is a lack of sensitivity to the fact that you are angry in the first place. Here the ban on anger is so strong that you stop feeling it. “I’m a very sweet and pleasant person, I never get angry,” someone clearly pronounces through clenched teeth. Have you seen this? Therefore, it is important to distinguish healthy inhibition from retroflection. Healthy Containment - “I realize that my anger is not appropriate now,” “I realize that my anger towards my partner may be related to my problems, and not to him. Particularly with my codependency and desire to control. The partner has nothing to do with it. And then I can tell him about it.” Or “Yes, it’s hard for me now. Difficulties at work. A crisis. But my partner is not a cesspool into which I can dump everything that bothers me. I value our relationship, I want to be with him. I will find a more acceptable way to dispose of anger. For example, I’ll go to the gym and put my energy to work.” Retroflection is a defense mechanism. As I wrote above. People in whom this mechanism dominates have difficulty recognizing feelings and anger that are dangerous to the conscious awareness and designation. Signs can be very different. You always inadvertently bump into things, bump into objects, touch joints, press your fingers, cut yourself, prick yourself, get sick. I often have a sore throat and headache. You bite your nails, pull out your eyelashes, scratch yourself until you bleed. Or again, speak through clenched teeth, or you notice that during the day, even when you are silent, your teeth are tightly clenched. These are all examples. 3. About the benefits of anger. Each and every individual feeling is needed in order... Firstly, to feel and “live” life more vividly. (The greater their range, the more interesting life is). Secondly, feelings, sensitivity to yourself allows you to reach the need - what you really need. What you need now. Example: My husband was late at work. The phone is turned off. It’s been a few hours since he’s been gone, but he should be. The wife is mulling over possible scenarios in her head. But due to its).