Many girls refuse to communicate with a man because they are afraid. And this fear comes from childhood. When the closest man, dad, was dangerous. Used psychological or physical violence towards a girl or in her presence. And the mother failed to protect her daughter. When a child does not feel the love and care of his parents, it is very difficult for him. It's like he's alone in the whole world. It’s even worse when, instead of love, the child encounters parental aggression and rejection. The feeling of loneliness that he experiences persists into adulthood. The body grows and becomes an adult, but the reactions of this body are still controlled by the traumatized child. The girl strives to get closer to other people, but at the same time she is afraid of this, because she has no experience of close relationships. If fear is stronger than the desire for intimacy, the girl chooses loneliness, it seems safer to her. An example from practice. Permission to publish has been received from the client, the name has been changed. At today's meeting we are working with a drawing. Ira is thirty years old. There is no relationship with a man in her life; she doesn’t even “think” about it. Ira is afraid of marital relationships, because, based on the example of her parents, she firmly knows that “there is nothing to do there.” Mom was always dissatisfied with dad, she either cried or swore, provoking her husband into a scandal. Dad, more often than not, was aggressive, drunk, and lethargic. When there is such a pattern of relationships, it is difficult to dream of married life, because it is associated with conflicts, fear, disappointment, anger. - I feel sad and lonely. I spend most of my time at home, alone, I don’t want to go anywhere. On the other hand, I understand that this is wrong; the best years of my life are passing. The girls I knew were getting married. I want to decide on my desires and feelings. Let go of loneliness.- What does loneliness look like?- This is an island in the ocean, full of sadness.- Draw your island.- What other emotions, besides sadness, do you experience?- Anger.- What does anger look like?- Volcano. He is far from the island. Ira doesn’t want to admit her anger. Her volcano is “far from the island.” Joy is the sea. Another emotion is fear. These are snakes. They are underground. - What happens if you allow all emotions to manifest? - Everything disappears. And I'm left alone. My illusion that I was living on an island disappeared. And I don’t feel any support under my feet.- What do you want?- Add soil.- I’m standing on the ground.- How old do you feel?- Five.- What do you want now?- I want fruit. There are no such things in nature - juicy, yellow inside. Every time Ira draws a new desire for a little girl, I ask her: “What do you want?” - I want a mother who will be caring. - How does a caring mother behave? - She hugs me , says: “I’m with you, you’re not alone.” I want to add color to my mother’s face so that it becomes alive. - I want rides, a carousel, horses in a circle. - I want kids, it’s more fun with them. - (Unsure). I want dad to show up. - What changes when dad appears? - Dad was always unhappy, but this one is cheerful, happy about life, a day off, and the opportunity to spend time with his family. This is what I dreamed of, but this has never happened in my life. - Now what desires do you have? - Right now, none. I got everything I wanted. - Dad’s face is hard to see, what could this mean? - It’s hard for me to imagine the “new” dad, the kind expression on his face. Somehow I don’t really believe that dad can be like this. - Will you leave your image unchanged? - Yes, I remain fragile, with a gray face, because I doubt that the ideal picture that I painted will last for a long time. As if something could happen at any moment, a conflict would start again between the parents. However, even this small experience of being with caring parents means a lot to me. For the first time, I not only imagined, but even drew something that I was afraid to even dream about. It was as if my fear of the future had become less. For the first time, the girl included a man - her dad - in the picture of a happy life. His face is not drawn because it is difficult for Ira.