I recently communicated with a very difficult person and for a long time I could not understand what was happening. Why is it that in any situation, even the opposite of what happened five minutes ago, circumstances and other people are to blame, in principle the city is bad, but the person always turns out to be clean. At the same time, he admitted that perhaps he was mistaken somewhere. He understood in abstract conversations, in abstract reasoning. But as soon as the conversation turned to specific situations and actions, it cut me off. And then, while listening to a sales seminar, the principle of thinking of such people dawned on me! All their actions are driven by fear. Fear of being wrong, bad, guilty. All events are assessed from the position of the victim, a person who is constantly trying to prove something. Your status, the right to life, independent actions. In any situation, he strives to take a leading position, stay dry, return to the comfortable position of “God”, from which he can better see and maintain imaginary control of the situation. In any development of events, a person is obliged to believe in the option of actions and events that he has chosen. There is no time for reflection, no time to think about unexpected turns. You don’t have to lie, but finding a solution that’s beneficial for yourself that preserves your halo is vital! And in any situation that goes beyond “I’m good,” this defense kicks in—no matter what, I’m good, competent, strong. This is not the harmonious state of an adult defending his rights, this is the reaction of a child: “I hit you with a shovel - you set yourself up, you shouldn’t have run around here!” - the standard reasoning of such a person. Before our eyes, from an intelligent, reasonable, noble person turns into a small defending child. By refusing the possibility of mistakes, without recognizing them, a person himself refuses the ability to assess the situation and learn lessons from it. How to identify this on your own? One of the markers: “it’s just the way people around me are, it’s not my fault, it’s they who act this way, this is how the circumstances developed.” There is nothing that happens to you without your participation. You are responsible (NOT GUILTY) for everything that happens to you. The second marker that I would highlight: “everyone around is worse than me.” Perhaps there are a couple of people (usually childhood friends) who are equal in rank, but this does not change the basic setting. Marker modifications: “Everything is worse, but much worse. I have the right to decide what is good and what is bad, even when it does not concern me. I have the right to judge how someone should act, I’m always right.” Again – a “God” marker. These beliefs act as compensation, balancing the real (for you) picture of things. You can be a truly wonderful person, but if in your heart you are afraid of others, are unsure of yourself, cannot take responsibility for your life - you will be tormented because of this disharmony between your inner feeling and external claims. If a girl accuses you - most likely you did not do anything to resolve this situation. She may be bad, stupid, rude, but you are also responsible for these actions. With someone else she will be completely different. So take responsibility for your life. Has she been bad for ten years and getting worse? Or is your fifth husband beating you to death? Are you involved in this, or is someone else being beaten? They beat you, therefore, you can either defend yourself, leave, break off the relationship, or continue to play this game. If you start blaming others, what's the point? You are only digging yourself deeper into the swamp. Independently, systematically and inevitably. Instead of drawing conclusions, you punish someone, saddle them with debts, and get offended. Is there a point of no return? I hope not. Rather, I believe in the bottom from which you will have to push off. And while you are going down there, the world is methodically driving you “with its face on the asphalt”, throwing you more and more tough, extreme situations. Perhaps I am wrong, and these are my stereotypes and speculations - the reader can judge. I don't have a huge sample, but I think my thoughts.