From the author: Psychological traumas often hurt people no less than physical traumas... Often people experience them deep inside, unwilling or afraid to open up to others or seek help. But many find the strength to come to a professional for help, which for me, as a psychologist, is confirmation of courage and desire for change, worthy of great respect. And at this moment it is important to really get to a professional who will not harm, will provide help and support. How to distinguish a seminar, group, training, which really carries the possibility of change and can help participants solve their problems, from advertising, motivational, simply uplifting. “Pill for happiness” Useful trainings, seminars and groups, and not so much - how to distinguish ? Advice from a professional psychologist. Looking through the Facebook feed, reading news on the Internet, looking through magazines and newspapers, we every now and then come across advertisements for seminars and trainings, cheerfully inviting us to “change your life”, “understand your purpose”, or even “become happier”, “get rid of from loneliness and find your soul mate”, “attract success into your life”. Excellent calls, and most importantly, affecting almost all of us. Who doesn't want to become happier? Find a loved one, etc., further down the list? It would seem so great that people are finally reaching out for knowledge, are ready for changes, and are flocking to professional psychologists. And all this in 1, or at best 2 days... But... As a psychologist, such invitations not only upset me, but cause disappointment. And especially the number of people who want to visit them. And this is not a matter of professional jealousy (the popularization of, if not psychological knowledge and literacy, but at least the possibility of obtaining it, is a definite plus for every professional psychologist and psychotherapist). So what is the matter? The fact is that, unfortunately, it doesn't work. Yes, yes, it doesn't help. Or rather, it helps for a short time. After leaving such a motivational training seminar, a person can feel a surge of strength and energy. That's all. Is this what they went there for? If yes, then it certainly has a right to exist. But I dare to suggest that many people who feel discomfort in their lives, have difficulties in relationships with loved ones, periodically or often feel upset or unhappy (the list of questions with which they turn to psychologists can be continued for quite a long time), nevertheless, By attending such events, they hope for a qualitative improvement in their lives and their condition. That there will be more happiness in their lives... and their individual happiness... Is it possible to achieve cherished goals (“become happier”, etc.) under such conditions: in such a short period of time (1-2 days), which does not allow the presenter to get to know well the features of the inner world of the participants, the specifics of their difficulties and their needs? in the format of the meeting events like a lecture or seminar with one speaker and “students” listening to him? with a number of participants of more than 15 - 20 people, without the opportunity to pay any noticeable attention individually? without creating a trusting and safe atmosphere that promotes the active participation of those present, stimulating them to awareness of the characteristics of your personality? As a professional psychologist, I will say: in such conditions it is impossible to achieve the stated goals due to the specifics of development and changes in the human psyche. So, such seminars are not needed and have no right to exist? Of course, you shouldn't be so categorical. They are possible, and even useful. Like educational projects. As education, for example, as a lecture about the peculiarities of the human psyche, and much more about (which a professional psychologist can share), or a seminar about what can be achieved if you take the path of self-development, and even with the help of a professional psychologist. True, only if they don’t teach how to manipulate, that is, they don’t teachachieving one’s goals by infringing on the goals of others, playing on their feelings, emotions and attitudes. To be fair, it should be added that not all such seminars are useless or manipulative, and everything written does not mean that changes are not possible after them. Everything is individual, and after attending such events someone may feel such a craving for changes in their life that, with a successful combination of circumstances, a certain determination, courage, luck and perseverance, they can turn a life they don’t like 180 degrees. “Anything is possible under the sun,” and that’s wonderful! But the exception, as we know, only confirms the rule. On one condition, if they do not promise you global positive changes. Because our psyche, aka soul, is too complex a product, mixed up with our entire past life, our destiny, our mistakes and failures, ups and downs, as well as our temperament, the characteristics of our upbringing and the rules of our parental family. And it will not be possible to change, or even “correct” all this quickly, in the “I will teach you to be happy” mode. Well, no way, honestly. This is not an easy path, not a quick one, and everyone has their own path. And with “your” psychologist who suits you. What are these seminars in essence? This is an offer of such a “pill for happiness.” Ate it, and that's it. It's very attractive, I agree. From the client’s point of view, especially in the post-Soviet space (where the culture of turning to a psychologist is extremely low or in its infancy), a seminar that gives hope for a quick, safe change in your life, for which you just need to attend the seminar and listen to what he has to say a “smart” psychologist is extremely tempting. I often see the same desire among clients who come for individual therapy. The desire to go 1-2 times (usually in the most acute and emotionally difficult moments of life) and get the same “pill”. Many people come with this vision, and short-term therapy and psychological help certainly exist and are needed. But, as a rule, it is not capable of giving you an impetus for change, and exists either to solve small specific difficulties or to relieve psycho-emotional tension in a complex stressful, painful situation. Of course, everything happens in life, and sometimes life itself gives such an impetus, mom, don’t worry (And a person is forced to change. If you don’t take such turning points, critical moments in life, many of which you wouldn’t wish on your enemy, then one simple rule applies ( simple to understand, but not to implement). there would be nothing bad if the organizers honestly said what the client can get, and did not manipulate people’s fears and their desire to change, especially without making it difficult. Why do we so want to get the “magic pill”, or, more simply, “to change without changing. "? Firstly, because going to a meeting with a psychologist is scary (there are still strong opinions in society that going to psychologists means admitting your own worthlessness, and often we encounter fears that “they might be labeled as crazy,” no matter how incorrect this is). sounds like this is a common fear), because due to the lack of development in the past in the USSR of this type of psychological assistance such as psychotherapy, people still have!! are not very privy to what can be expected from an appointment with a psychologist, how the appointment goes, what is the difference between psychologists, psychotherapists and psychiatrists. Secondly, because intuitively we feel that coming to a meeting with a psychologist is ultimately going to meeting myself. And here we turn on all sorts of defense mechanisms, described in psychology in some detail. Translating this into simple language - what if I learn something there that I don’t want to know at all? And will I have to change? And again there is a defense mechanism for this. Thirdly, talking about yourself, about your difficulties with another person, with a group of people -in itself is unsafe (if this is not a superficial, but a sincere conversation) - after all, this means opening up your mask (and in fact, your personality) a little in front of others. And fourthly - banal laziness - we all, to one degree or another, prefer do nothing if you can not do it (perhaps it will resolve on its own) - and although for a psychologist this is again a fear of change, most often we call it laziness. All these, as well as individual, unnamed fears and concerns have a right to exist, and are absolutely natural and normal for humans. But the thing is that without a certain courage, even courage, without overcoming these “stops” in ourselves that slow us down, it is impossible to embark on a journey to ourselves, satisfied with ourselves and our lives. And all this does not negate participation in various development and training projects, and how great it is that they exist (provided that their leaders have ethics and professionalism). Knowledge is power, that's all. But how I would like all thinking, intelligent people who are drawn to new things to not stop there, to move forward, even if it will not always be simple, easy and fast. Contact professionals, and together with them, with their support and help, give time for yourself. After all, all this will pay off handsomely, and the path may not be easy, but interesting. And remember, you can change quickly only for a while, becoming different forever is what is important. People certainly change, but only when they want it! How to distinguish a seminar, group, training that really carries the possibility of change and can help participants solve their problems, from an advertising, motivational, simply uplifting one. There are several criteria that will help you make a decision: Education. Take an interest in the education of the presenter, you have every right to ask this question, because you are going to entrust him with the most important thing - your soul. As a rule, if an answer is not provided upon first request, this is a reason to think about whether you need it, because serious specialists always provide this information themselves, copies of diplomas and certificates are always in a visible place. For serious self-knowledge and serious changes in life, it is necessary to work under the guidance of a certified specialist - a psychologist, a psychotherapist. We are talking specifically about higher education; in no country in the world there is a specialty “psychologist” with a secondary education, and in addition to higher education there is additional practical training for a specialist. Various certificates of completion of short seminars and trainings - even in organizations with a well-known and beautiful name - serve as confirmation that a person is improving his skills and developing professionally, and this is a big plus. But they cannot serve as a substitute for serious, many-year education. Why is this so important? Because the professional education of the trainer is necessary to ensure the safety process, especially in group work. The group must be selected in a certain way in order to weed out people who are inadequate, sick, and who simply want to participate in the group “just because.” The human soul and brain are a complex, not fully understood substance, and “climbing into our boots” is fraught with deep psychological trauma in the worst case and simply a lack of benefit in the best. A professional psychologist will be able not only to ensure the safety of your presence in the group, but also to create such conditions and atmosphere so that everything that happens helps you benefit from it. Duration of the seminar. No major changes are possible in 1-2 days. If you want to truly change something in your life, you need longer work. Sometimes a combination of individual work and group meetings. 1-day seminars are sometimes useful, this has already been written above, including as a first experience of participating in a group to get to know a psychologist and his methods of work, in order to decide whether it is suitable for you personally. Result. If an advertisement promises you an unusually attractive result, somehow!