In one of the last articles (“How abandonment trauma leads to female loneliness”), I wrote about abandonment trauma, how it can be diagnosed and why it leads to loneliness. In this article I want to answer another important question - “What to do if a woman wants love, but she does not have trust in men.” Where does our distrust of men come from? Like any trauma, mistrust comes from childhood. Everyone in early childhood had an experience in which they were abandoned by their parents, one or two at once. This experience was traumatic for our psyche. And at the same time, he changed our vision of the world. Imagine a little girl of one and a half years old, whom her parents took to her grandmother for six months. And they themselves stayed to work in the city. What did this girl’s world consist of before she separated from her parents? She, mom and dad. Thanks to this world, the child feels safe. When this world collapses, the child loses his “fulcrum”. The girl perceives the fact that both parents disappeared from her life at once as the collapse of her own world. And then what? Trust in the world disappears, distrust appears. Then the girl grows up and is faced with the fact that some people behave the same way as mom and dad once did. These people are mostly men. It was they who were most often inclined to leave her. She realized that men cannot be trusted. Her mistrust of them became part of her mistrust of the world. The first experience of abandonment was not the only one. In adulthood, she was faced with the fact that her husband left the family. The world, familiar and seemingly so reliable, collapsed. She is in great pain. It hurt as if my heart had been pierced, but I was not allowed to die. You have to live with this bleeding wound. And if in childhood the psyche made the child “forget” about the pain, now it is impossible to forget. After a painful breakup, she tries in vain to build relationships with men and meet new love. If you ask why she doesn’t get into relationships, you can hear: “I don’t trust men.” And if you look deeper, you can see what’s preventing her from meeting love is reluctance experience pain. The one from the breakup. Any relationship is finite. After every meeting there will be a separation. The world is not something permanent. It changes every second. Some are born, others die. We are witnessing the birth of a new love and the death of an old one. We, like in childhood, continue to dream of eternal love. But as adults, we know how it can turn out. We are afraid to experience the pain of separation from our loved one. Our distrust of men is just a desperate attempt to protect ourselves from pain. What if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable?! Your psychologist, Olga Fedoseeva If it is difficult for you to overcome the fear of close relationships alone and walk the path to what you want, I invite you to work together! You can sign up for a consultation by phone: 8-921-436-87-03 W/VMy blog Olga Fedoseeva