Many people in the topic of understanding boundaries are at the cave level. What are the questions: - Why are there no children? Why only one? When is the second one? And the third? Why do you need so much? - I apologize in advance, although you didn’t ask, I’ll still say... - You look bad, aren’t you sick? Can you imagine how such people bother their loved ones if they can’t even keep silent with strangers? Moreover, to tell such people that you don’t need their advice is too early to spit in the face. Many people are killed by the fact that there is no interest in their opinion. Closed comments, blocks on social networks. They feel like they are being silenced by this. But you don’t even touch someone else’s mouth, no one encroaches on their freedom of speech. The entire Internet space is at their service, except for the small territory of one blog. But due to the fact that they cannot force someone to listen, force them to read it, the fact that others will not see their opinion is a bomb. That is, they have complete freedom of speech, just not within the borders of others. And such people try to open them with aggression, thereby destroying someone else’s wall. For example, running around and spreading gossip. You turn away from them, they climb. You distance yourself from them, they catch up, they don’t want to listen to them, they insist. We grew up in a country where it is customary to advise and delve into the personal lives of everyone who did not manage to escape. A large communal apartment with a collective kitchen, where everything is common. The inability to feel OTHERS’ boundaries and territory is the other side of the inability to feel one’s own. And the most difficult thing with LH is that they are not visible. There is no field around us that would show the line beyond which we cannot go. What’s even more difficult is that for different people these boundaries are in different places. For some, several calls a day from their husband’s wife is a violation of boundaries and over-control. And some will consider their absence a threat of loss of contact. However, psychological boundaries are no less important than physical ones. Physical boundaries are our skin, through which the barrier “I and the outside world” passes. Why, if I was pushed, then I realized that the borders were violated, but if they pushed or hit my value, children, hobbies, the violation is not stopped? Every country, like every person, has its own internal territory. The country protects it from the inside - for this there are border services. How, walking through the forest, can I find out that the land of a foreign state has begun? There will be wire and a signal siren on the border. When a country is attacked, its borders close and become rigid. Psychological borders are designated by the same methods. If we do not defend the borders from within, they will climb into them and seize our territory. But how can you protect something that is not realized ?The first thing you need to do is find your boundaries. Feel them My clients, for example, through tasks to work through bodily sensations, come to an understanding of boundaries, and then begin to feel the boundaries of another. A simple recipe. Write a set of rules by which you live and do not want to deviate from them. For example: - after 21.00 I I don’t answer calls and don’t call myself; when I meet, I don’t hug or kiss; they don’t smoke in my house, even on the balcony; I can sympathize, but not get involved in solving other people’s problems; I’m ready to wait for a latecomer no longer than 10 minutes. There must be boundaries rigid and immobile. To do this, you need to be in agreement with your principles. Write, friends! This will be the first step towards your boundaries! Your great work. For yourself If the topic with boundaries is difficult, come for personal consultations. Who has already found them - share your experience and how you did it?