By not showing aggression towards a loved one, we deprive ourselves of true intimacy and trust with this person. And this does not mean that where there is violence, there are close relationships! No. Aggression and violence are different things. Read to the end so as not to deprive yourself of true happiness in a relationship, being afraid to show aggression. Aggression in relationships Let me start with the fact that there is “healthy” and “unhealthy” anger. When I DIRECTLY say that I I don’t want that I don’t like something - it’s me who is showing aggression. But without it, the other person will NEVER KNOW that something doesn’t suit me: the key here is that the other person is not clairvoyant, he doesn’t know how, and SHOULD NOT read my thoughts, guess what I didn’t say there! For example, a man came on a date without flowers and I understand that I feel offended, upset: I was expecting flowers. And here: you can take the path of manipulation: make sure that he still gives flowers in a manipulative way (I think you don’t need to be taught manipulations, you do it yourself with a mustache :)).And you can honestly say about your expectations and feelings - this will be “healthy” behavior. And, yes, by speaking about my dissatisfaction, I am being aggressive. But my aggression in this case was without violence: I didn’t swallow my dissatisfaction in order to take revenge later, but I clearly and clearly said that flowers on a date are important to me (without fanaticism, we’re not talking about a million red roses, but about my need for a man to the one I like, looked after me!). For example, when a woman agrees to sex, but DOESN’T WANT it, then this is a LIE. It would be more honest to say: “I don’t want.” By hiding her true attitude (I really don’t want), she laid a brick of mistrust in the relationship. But here there is no need to go to the other extreme: I don’t want and leave me alone, like roll in all four directions , I'm more important than you. If you are in a relationship, then this “I don’t want” needs to be said firmly (set your boundaries), but without disdain - to do this, add, for example, that you are important to me, but my condition is also important to me and now I don’t want it. But this explanation must be sincere, without games and manipulations. It turns out that if you do not lie to yourself and honestly talk about your feelings, about your conditions to a loved one, while maintaining respect and care for him, then you create an atmosphere of sincerity, trust, openness, clarity. Where there is servility and silence, there is also NO PROXIMITY. Important: how to show aggression in order to maintain or build intimacy in a relationship. I clearly understand what is valuable and important to me, I am aware of my boundaries, i.e. first of all - I UNDERSTAND MYSELF. Next, I directly and CLEARLY (without hints, without manipulation) tell a loved one if I don’t like something, something doesn’t suit me. BUT, without hitting, without reproaches, with care. I also talk about what is important to me (remember, like in the example about flowers). That is. aggression in this case is to understand your boundaries, your desires, your needs and speak clearly and clearly about them without humiliation, without manipulation towards a loved one. “Healthy” aggression is what allows us to show our true selves. We can play a role white and fluffy. We can swallow disrespect, neglect, humiliation from other people. But this does not mean how good we are. This suggests that WE ARE NOT! In all this there is no real us. There is white and fluffy. There is a Victim. But there is no real person. The next time you find it difficult to set your adequate boundaries or want to step on the throat of your song in order to seem like a good person, ASK YOURSELF: “Am I ALIVE now? Or have I been gone for a long time? Dissolved in my fears, servility, in the desire not to offend another? With my behavior, am I creating intimacy and trust in our relationship or am I digging the abyss of alienation wider and wider? "Like if you like my approach and my reasoning! Subscribe! Your psychologist Galina Radchenko🎯RESULT on average in 3 to 7 consultations for more complex requests - from 7 to 20 sessionsReady