ABUSE 💥 VIEW FROM INSIDE What is abuse and who becomes victims of abuse is a fairly popular topic in the Internet space. But I want to suggest looking at abuse from the point of view of the Abuser himself, who is he and what does he want? FIRST, LET'S DEFINE: An abuser is a person who shows emotional, sexual, physical violence against another person in order to establish control. This person can be either a man or a woman. The abuser uses violence, control, manipulation, provocation, pressure, gaslighting and other tools as a hypercompensatory mechanism, that is, a mechanism for coping with his own internal feeling of vulnerability, powerlessness and weakness. These sensations can be the causes of mental trauma, deviation (deviation) of personality development, personality disorders (including narcissistic (but not only) personality type, as well as hysterical type), borderline personality disorder, PTSD, etc. There may be other reasons; this must be clarified during diagnosis and history collection. Why does a person become an abuser and does he choose this path? ⭐ Attachment trauma or lack of close relationships. ✔neglect of the child’s needs✔transmission of the inability to solve one’s own problems, “psychological disability” of the child✔instillation of shame, guilt✔inability to regulate one’s own emotions due to the fact that they were not accepted and condemned by other people✔inability to recognize where my emotions are and where others are people✔ the need to “merge” with another person, a feeling of one’s own inferiority without joining another✔ hypercontrol of oneself and others✔ fear of loss, loss is equated to the fear of death. I can’t survive without someone else.⭐ Formation of addiction: of any nature (love, alcohol, drugs, gaming, etc.)✔ perception of the world as dangerous and cruel✔ hatred of the object of merging, and a high need for merging as the only form of proof of love. “In merging, it is important: that all his emotional needs are satisfied, the inability to experience negative feelings in conflict, since they quickly turn into hatred. The need for consistency, or rather the non-contradiction of his views, because of the merger it is dangerous that the other person thinks and feels differently. Submission and lack of personal boundaries, including the demand for a loved one that he also has no personal boundaries. Any attempt by a partner to build personal boundaries, to have his own opinion, is for the Abuser a threat of rupture and loss of symbiotic relationships."⭐ Trauma splits the psyche into a wounded part and a healthy one, but with attempts to restore the wounded part.🌿 when the “wounded” part of the psyche dominates, a feeling arises anger, hatred, aggression and increased hostility✔ transference of pain to a partner who causes suffering and ignores his needs (as was the case in his past)✔ punishment for the pain caused. Importantly, memories of positive events in the relationship are overshadowed by the state of affect of the “wounded part” who perceives her partner as a danger and a threat. 🌿 with the dominance of the “healthy” part, hope for a happy future arises and memories of negative affects are erased and postponed as events and conditions that are not relevant. This is how the splitting mechanism works✔ strong emotional dependence on a partner and hatred of a partner - due to pathological attachment and the need for fusion✔ need for intimacy and fear of intimacy. Merger and rejection due to fear of betrayal, rejection, any disagreement and reaction of the partner are perceived as threatening the rupture of the symbiotic relationship. A breakup is a threat of loss of feelings of one’s own integrity and usefulness, the disclosure of a “wounded” wounded, flawed part that is unable to exist without a connection with another person. Like the victim of an abuser: it has a similar mechanism described above: it is also divided into the “wounded self” and "I am healthy" who hopes.