From the author: Obligatory morning coffee A short look, eye to eye I can’t escape the truth IT will never be like this again When you feel bad, you want to do something to make it feel good. What should I do with my husband: does he drink? Problems at work, maybe change jobs? My son got a bad grade at school again, and the class teacher writes in his diary about bad behavior, what should I do with him? The relationship is not working out, my boyfriend left me again, what should I do about it? A logical approach, something needs to be done to improve the situation. This is how they plant potatoes and pass coursework, but this method is not always suitable for resolving internal conflicts. It would be good to start by understanding why actions lead to bad results, why the same rake is happening all around. It's good to think before you do something. This article is about what to think and what to do and not do when there is a breakup with a loved one. The pain of parting is overwhelming. The first desire is to return him. Then a feeling of guilt and lost opportunities. The lump of pain prevents me from breathing, tears flow almost non-stop, and I have no strength for anything. In such a state, finding yourself in a psychologist, the question is: “what to do about it?” looks like an attempt to run away, to hide from unbearable pain. Or even more specifically, how can I fix everything, how can I get it back? Fight or flight are the imperatives laid down by nature in all living things in order to survive. People are no exception. And, if consciousness did not block these reactions, action would be the first reaction to the pain of rupture. Sometimes this happens, crazy people make emotional calls, which you later regret, attempts to return, correct or hit, or better yet, kill. But action in the complex world of human relationships is not always the best reaction, especially when they break up. Don't rush! There is no need to run anywhere and frantically cling to the illusory opportunity to put everything back as it was. We must stop! Not literally, work, sports, business - all this is necessary. I’m talking about something else, that now you live in a different reality, you need to stop to realize and accept. The world around you has changed. It won’t be the same as before, even if it looks like it, it’s still not the same. A kid in a store throws a tantrum, trying to force his mother to buy the toy he likes. He does not agree that mom has no money now. It's useless to prove. I want everything! Adult uncles and aunts sometimes resemble such kids who do not want to hear arguments and put up with the situation. The partner left, he has his own reasons for this, reasonable or not, selfish or vile, but he has the right to this, no matter how sad it is to admit it. The world is not fair to you, sometimes for no reason. How to deal with it. I'm talking about psychological experience, about the processing of negative feelings caused by separation. This is the first place to start. Here is the algorithm.1. Find the origins of your pain in order to understand what to treat, where the wound is. - This is really love, unfortunately, without reciprocity. He left because he doesn't love you. All that remains is to admit the discrepancy. This doesn't happen often. True love, even at the moment of breakup, does not bring unbearable pain, it is selfless, and possessiveness is alien to it. - It could be a fear of loneliness. Then you should think about what to do with it, it will poison your life, even if your partner returns. - This could be an addiction, which is also implicated in fear, and is difficult to cope with. In people prone to addictions, one is replaced by another.2. Imagine your future life if your partner had not left. Quitting very rarely happens for no apparent reason. Usually he reveals something that has been accumulated for a long time, but was carefully or not very hidden. A breakup is the logical end to a failed relationship. If it weren't for him, the relationship would have continued with varying degrees of tension. They don’t leave happy unions.3. Allow yourself emotions. Those that exist. You have the right to tears and anger, You have the right to hit pillows and throw pans, You have the right to do nothing, You have the right to be sad. You have the right to be a person who is struggling. Don't restrain yourself.4..