From the author: Sexual relationships are hushed up, shameful and at the same time our most important relationships. Desires, fantasies, fears - all this is our most intimate life. So do we have a lot of it? Of course, we estimate the amount of sex in our lives differently. But by a certain age, most can say that they understand well what they are talking about. The hero of the story, Denis, had a lot, a lot of sex. But he came to therapy with the fact that he had never had sex in his life. Denis is almost 40. He looks athletic. On the phone he said: “I need to talk about sex.” Decisive. I'm not in a hurry, I don't rush with questions. And Denis tells his story. Is it unique? Yes and no. I see his sadness, I sympathize with his sense of lost years, I respect his determination. And I understand how difficult it is to suddenly begin to feel what you seem to already feel! Start breathing, taste food, finally have sex. This is a story about how sensitivity is lost and how it is restored. Denis says: - When I was 14-15, I wanted to try. There were those around who had already tried, and those who “didn’t get it.” Sex for me was 90% an act of self-affirmation, the rest was an experiment. When it happened, I also learned about the sensations. They really were special, and I wanted to repeat them and repeat them. At this time I was probably having sex in its purest form. But it didn’t happen very often (time, place, a partner who liked to manipulate), the interest lasted for some time, but then everything around changed. Friends already have their second and third girls. It was urgently necessary to “catch up.” All people around said was “take it off, fuck it.” These two words became my main ones for a long time - both words, thoughts, and desires. It should be noted that here I learned that sex can be different. Different girls behave differently, give differently, and their bodies are completely different. The time for experimentation has begun. And on both sides. This made it easier to find new contacts. I calmed down a little on the topic of “seduction” and was able to enjoy the sensual side. That was until my friends started telling me that girls also do “this” and “that.” Immediately a super task arose to persuade the girl to do everything at once. Then the position of dominance began to form - “any girl does everything to me on demand.” In general, this was quite consistent with the beliefs of girls of that time - “my boyfriend runs to me immediately at the first call.” In this peculiar struggle, sex itself was no longer felt. Only victory was valued. I entered a long period of life when the number of women and their submission in sex became important. At the same time, I could develop relationships with girls, but sex was somewhat out of the question. A split into “family” and “personal” life began. Typical child-parent relationships reigned in the relationship. The girl had to look after, feed, dress, admire. And then, quite happy, I went hunting. For money and women. Both succeeded. Years passed. The old problems have returned. We can say that we had to relive the difficulties of youth. Instead of parents, there was a wife at home - how successfully she replaced them! The girls were no longer so willing to agree - they were looking for younger partners. Sex has become a rare and expensive prize. At home, of course, it became a routine. If someone asked me: “What is sex for you?”, then at first I would say that it’s cool and it shows that I’m still a man, and my self-esteem rests on it. But in essence, sex has become a heavy obligation. I felt almost nothing during sex. And only social rewards somehow justified the efforts that had to be spent on sex. And even when I fell in love, then sex was important for the feeling of unity, love, but there was no sex in itself. I ask Denis what he remembers what sex was like as sex. He remembers, then smiles - “like the sea.” We spent several sessions sorting out his needs. The important phenomena for him were separated -.