From the author: Published in my LiveJournal: In each of us, no matter how old we are, our “inner children” live. Sometimes they take up quite a bit of space: the internal space is occupied by the “parent” “- those rules, obligations, norms, assessments and methods of “caring” that we have absorbed from early childhood. Sometimes one of the “children” takes up a lot of space, while others are in the Shadow. And real dramas often play out between the “inner parent” and the “inner child.” For example, the “inner child” is very afraid of not meeting the expectations of his “parent”, and does everything to be a good child. For such a “child,” the most important thing is what is expected of him, and not what he himself wants. Or, conversely, a lot of space is occupied by a “child” who does not do everything as the “parent” dictates. And then, too, what is more important is not his true desires, his needs, but just the opposite, not as the “parents” say. Most often, we neither notice nor recognize any of our “inner children,” any “voices.” And then these internal dramas, these conflicts are transferred outside. A person is not aware of his inner “expecting parent” and “obedient child”, but carefully scans the expectations of others, tries to be good, sweet, and pleasant for them. So he can live his whole life, trying, “on tiptoe,” eaten up by anxiety, fear, shame and guilt for not meeting someone’s expectations. Or he is not aware of his inner rebellion, its reasons - and struggles with his bad habits, with his “laziness” and with other external manifestations of this rebellion. Getting to know your “inner population” is an important part of the process of psychological maturation. The ability to separate from “parental” voices, the ability to hear the “children’s needs” is what ultimately allows a person to be himself, take care of himself, fulfill his desires, meet and withstand the otherness of other people. A few months ago I did work -shop about “Inner Children” at a psychotherapeutic conference. The text I pasted below was written by me then. It talks a little more about who Inner Children are and how to recognize them. “When we were born, we were Spontaneous Children. We felt joy, sadness, fear, pain, anger. Feelings replaced each other, and it was natural. We, Spontaneous children, had a lot of desires, had a lot of interest in the world: grab, look, slam doors, hang cherries on our ears, dance, sing, laugh, cry, watch ants crawl. We wanted so much! Life was very busy! This spontaneous child is alive in us, even when we don’t feel it at all. Where, in what situations do you allow this child to be? What can you want? What can you feel? What can you express outwardly? What kind of voice does your spontaneous child have: loud, quiet? How much space does it take up? And what is not allowed? What feelings, desires, fantasies are you ashamed of? This is already the place of the Obedient child. The Obedient child takes partially (a little or a lot) the place of the Spontaneous child. As we grew up, we gradually learned that people who are important to us do not always like our desires or our feelings (Our mothers and fathers were not psychologists, they did not separate actions from feelings and desires). And it was so important for us to please mom and dad or other important people! And in order for them to love us, we were ready to live less intensely, we were ready to reduce ourselves and be what they wanted us to be. In our lives, in addition to our feelings and desires, “cannots” and “musts” have appeared. Sometimes these were very useful “don’ts”: you can’t cross the road at a red light, you can’t write where the need comes. But not all “don’ts” were so useful. And next to the spontaneous child, partially taking his place, an Obedient child appeared. The obedient child was very afraid that his mother or father would turn away from him and he would be left alone. More than anything, he wanted his mom and dad to love him! Since it was not always clear what you had to be like for dad and mom to love -»?