Don't make statements disguised as questions. Anyone who has ridden in a car as a child has had occasion to utter the following words in a capricious tone: “Are we there yet?” You know very well that you have not arrived yet, and your parents know that you know this, and therefore answer you in tone. What do you really want to say? “I’m tired,” “I want to come quickly,” “We’ve been driving for too long,” etc. Any of these options would provoke a much more positive reaction from your parents. This example illustrates one important rule for asking questions: if you no question, don't ask. Let's look at some more examples of statements disguised as questions: "Are you going to leave the refrigerator door open?" (Instead of “Please close the refrigerator” or “I get annoyed when the refrigerator door is left open.”); “Can’t you pay attention to me for once?” (Instead of “I feel neglected” or “I wish you would give me more attention.”) Notice that all of these examples of disguised statements are about either feelings or demands. And this is no coincidence. Sharing feelings and making demands is something most of us find very difficult to do directly. We sense the vulnerability of our position, and it seems safer to turn what we want to say into a form of attack—a sarcastic question. But this security is illusory, and we lose more than we win. Saying, “I wish you would pay more attention to me,” is more likely to lead to an extended conversation than, “Can you pay attention to me for once?” Why? Because if you use the interrogative form, your interlocutor hears not the essence of your question, but the sarcasm in which the question is dressed, and perceives this as an attack on himself. He doesn't hear in your question how lonely you feel, he hears that you think he's inconsiderate. The essence of your words does not reach him because he is distracted by self-defense. And don’t be surprised if he answers you: “For once I can,” which, of course, will only worsen the situation..