Our whole life is a struggle! Do you agree? We are constantly struggling with something, periodically winning or losing the fight: Overweight, wrinkles, oily skin, age, imperfections. With scattered socks, dirty dishes, a mess in the apartment. With a runny nose, cough, pain in one or another part of the body. With the desire to eat another piece of cake or sharpen a chocolate bar. With a child, especially with his reluctance to learn, laziness, whims, fights, fears. With my husband, in particular, with his passion for computer games, lying on the couch, meeting with friends, gatherings in the garage. Any familiar situations? Are you struggling? How does it feel? Are you winning or losing? Any struggle deprives us of strength, energy and time. It also creates tension - tension in oneself (if it is an internal struggle), tension in relationships. It often seems that struggle is the only possible strategy, the only solution for the current situation. And if you don’t fight, then... terrible things will happen. Is not it? Good news! You don’t have to fight! There are two basic strategies that we use in life: The “OT” strategy - aimed at avoiding unpleasant emotions and bad consequences when we act out of fear, necessity and compulsion (MUST and MUST). Fighting is an "OT" strategy. Its reason is always fear about your future life, the life of your child or relationship. These are negative thoughts and ideas about the future that you believe in. Strategy “K” - aimed at moving towards pleasant sensations and a positive desired result, when we act out of love (for ourselves and loved ones) and our needs (I want). Is there a difference? Deal with the mess or make the apartment clean and cozy. Fight extra pounds or move towards slimness and a comfortable weight. Fight the child’s whims or help him survive an emotional storm and teach him to express emotions in an environmentally friendly manner. In order to change your usual strategy of struggle, try to look at the situation from a different angle. Instead of focusing on what you are avoiding (a bad outcome, an unpleasant situation, catastrophic consequences), switch to the bright, kind and good thing that you would like to move towards. Happened? Your personal psychologist Maria Chernoval