From the author: We will talk about moments that are probably familiar to every person - when in a relationship of any format something causes tension, and telling your partner about it is painful difficult. Why does this happen and how to overcome it - the answers are in the text below) Yes, and also about why it is still worth overcoming your barriers and talking about what you don’t like. How difficult it can be to show dissatisfaction! Or simply a position that differs sharply from what was expected. It’s very scary then, waiting for a reaction to your message: suddenly he (or she) gets angry - the imagination draws pictures of rejection, devaluation of your need or problem. Then everything seems to shrink, curl up inside. And there is an instant readiness to feel shame or guilt in response. Or all together: for your impudence, for your inconvenience, for the fact that you want something at all, etc. (fill in what you need). Hello from childhood, isn't it? The reactions of well-mannered children are built into us, brought to the point of automatism... How are well-mannered children? They don’t interfere with their desires, they don’t act capriciously, but humbly wait... for something. Probably what adults consider correct. And now - oh yes! - we are very good at waiting patiently... instead of taking adequate care of ourselves. How to be? How to change habitual stereotypes? Well, firstly, noticing your fear, allow it to be, but do not let it stop you. You need to understand what exactly you are afraid of, what consequences, and try them on for yourself. Surprisingly, it turns out that, almost always, you manage to survive the exit. Secondly, it is important to adequately test reality. That is, what are you going to do, in what form, in what expressions to convey your claim? If you are not going to yell, insult or beat your interlocutor, he has no objective reasons to defend himself or show retaliatory aggression. If you are able to respectfully and specifically formulate what you do not like about the contact, how it affects you and what (what changes) You ask the other person, you are not dangerous to him, you do not violate his boundaries, but you invite him to dialogue. In this case, his reaction to your dissatisfaction or to your differences will become information for you about how seriously he takes you, whether he is ready to take you into account and take care of your interests too. Whether you can trust your partner depends on this. Is this relationship useful for you? If in this situation they reject you or try to explain to you that you are wrong, you should think: do you need such a relationship, a partnership of this quality? And then it’s your turn to choose. So presenting your position is useful - both in order to relieve tension and in order to clarify the quality of the relationship (this is a related effect).