Parenthood lives in a person even when he has no children. This may be a desire to teach, share important knowledge and skills with people. or maybe an obsessive and sweet desire for power. I don’t know how gender affects the desire to be a critical and dominant parent, but one’s own family history is definitely fertile soil on which an authoritarian personality type grows. A very difficult story for me, as an author, in which destructive parenting, emotional abuse and abusive relationships between parental partners are mixed. Somewhere on papyrus paper it is written that if a person is a good specialist, a professional and is in love with his profession, then he can help himself by analyzing and calculating his future. And the truth in this myth is only at one point of no return. All that a person can be unambiguously calm and responsible for is his thoughts and his actions. But feelings, and especially emotions, are not subject to a person’s control. He can hold on to them, but not feel them at all - this is a sign that apathy has become a protective net against unbearable pain and constant trauma, in which one of the partners finds himself and all other dependent members family system. Psychology saved me precisely from apathy, and the abuser is gaining his own momentum, making bait for his emotional victims from material values, “false guardianship,” and cunning tricks to track difficulties and problems. He even helps his victims, does everything possible and not, demonstrates his care only to show his own power and expects servile submission. The life of people from whom the abuser is fueled by fear, guilt and shame turns into an unpredictable, terrible quest. Having absolutely accurate scientific psychological knowledge, you can redirect the toxic flow of abuser outward and then the outcome may be different. The abuser himself can fall into the position of a victim and engage in self-aggressive actions, again trying to introduce his former donor environment into feelings of pathological guilt or shame. Or he may lose his temper and instead of wearing a mask of care, put an executioner’s cape on his head. Living with such a person is possible only at a distance, with the obligatory presence of psychological support - therapy or crisis counseling. I have personal experience of going through such brutal transformational quests, so helping victims of just such abusive relationships is the most responsible and important job for me. Viber, WhatsApp psychologist for working in “stop-abuse” relationships. Galina Yakovenko.