Today I was thinking about the topic of childhood grievances and how they affect adult life and how to get rid of these grievances.. One way or another, in long therapeutic relationships with clients, not a single hour is devoted to past and present relationships with parents. And it doesn’t matter whether they live nearby or far away, or whether they live at all. They are with us forever - in the depths of our psyche. Over the years, I am less and less surprised by stories of rage and resentment towards mothers among 60-year-old women. This is how we are structured - our psyche and unconscious remember everything and store everything. And from the height of life’s flight, it would be time to re-evaluate, forgive, forget and live in joy and peace, but it doesn’t work out. Why? The luminaries of psychotherapy claim that we all come from childhood, that is, everything that we have learned, that has greatly impressed us in the early years of life, lays the foundation for our sense of self and worldview. And the key role in this process belongs to significant people from childhood, as a rule, mom and dad. If the memories are good, then the heart of an adult is filled with gratitude and love for parents, and if not, then the feelings are usually mixed - rage, indignation, anger and love, gratitude. And this mixture of feelings causes conflict within. It's like a cocktail of incompatible ingredients - pickles with milk and horseradish. Ugh? Yeah. And a person feeds himself with this every day, being sure that there is no way out. How to get rid of grievances What to do? First, pour the contents of the cocktail into different glasses. Here I have hatred, and here I have gratitude and love. And give myself the right, allow myself, allow myself to feel negative emotions. This is fine. And don’t listen to the voice inside that will shout: “You can’t be angry with mom.” You can. Now take a sheet of paper and write down all the rage, anger, indignation, etc., recalling specific examples and cases. Swear, be indignant, threaten on paper. Depending on how long you have been saving all this, give yourself time. Be the toughest prosecutor. The main thing is, when you finish, don’t forget to tear up and throw away your “masterpieces.” Return to this exercise until you feel that it has become easier. And it will definitely become easier and you will gradually be able to get rid of grievances. Now take your passport, yes, open it to the first page and look at your age. What is written there? More than 14? So now only you bear 100% responsibility for your life. Don’t you want to? I know. It's easier to blame. But we will have to - this is the only way to fill our life with joy and peace and finally drink the second part of the cocktail of love and gratitude, as well as finally get rid of childhood grievances. And also, if we don’t do this, we will certainly pass this scenario on to our children. For what? After all, you can write your personal masterpiece, create a unique vitamin cocktail, and someday, centuries later, someone will smile and say: “This is all my great-great-grandmother.” Give him a chance for these words. With love, Lilia Sheleg http://liliasheleg.com/