I asked the participants of my telegram chat about what topics they would be interested in reading a post from me on and one of the requests was this: “By what means can you establish mutual understanding in bed between spouses? The initial situation of my clients is this. : 7 years of marriage, the youngest child is 4 months old. The husband’s need for sex is much higher than the wife’s. Question, what should I do?” Ask clarifying questions, because There is not enough information to tell you right away what to do and what to do. For example, has the need for sex always been an order of magnitude higher, or is this just now (after the birth of the second)? If this was not always the case, then it is worth clarifying at what point it became different. By asking this question, we find out that the situation began to develop with the birth of the first child and worsened after the birth of the second. Here I’ll insert a remark about how important it is to work on Prevention and contact specialists in a timely manner before things reach the boiling point. Also, an important nuance, it’s one thing to work only with a woman and another with a couple. In such cases, things go much faster and easier if both partners have decided to attend consultations with a specialist. My colleague Alevtina Deva Severnaya participated in the discussion of this issue, with whose opinion I agree: it is necessary to audit the relationship in all areas and see where the main imbalances are. And then analyze the sexual sphere. The main message of the request is for MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING. This is where the work begins. Before understanding a partner, before conveying our thoughts to him, we learn to understand ourselves and be in the moment Here and Now during Intimacy and more. We also take into account the accompanying moments: the crisis of a 7-year relationship, age-related crises of spouses. We carry out diagnostics on the woman’s hormonal background and her psycho-emotional state. We reduce the amount of stress whenever possible and select means and ways to increase libido. If necessary, we can recommend consulting with related specialists. I can say this accurately and unambiguously. So this is how not to be. There is no need to force yourself and go for intimacy with your partner just because he has a higher need, because there is fear and anxiety of losing your husband. You can consider the following options for agreements: - Review and redistribution of household responsibilities and childcare responsibilities - Attracting help a spouse with a household in the form of a nanny, a cleaner and/or grandparents - A variety of intimate leisure with the help of sex toys, lubricants, lubricants - Therapeutic practices for couples that involve physical contact, but not necessarily including sex - Permission to masturbate. What I mean is that some couples consider it unnecessary and impermissible, because they have a partner. But sometimes, especially in cases where one of the partners has a higher need for sexual satisfaction, this is one of the ways to maintain balance. - Increase, if not the quantity, then the Quality of sexual intercourse, sacralizing the process. I invite COUPLES to counseling. Whatever this Did you add the list? Perhaps you have been through something similar and are ready to share your own experience? Write in a comment or PM. With love, Your Anna Koroleva.