Every person has to go through the process of adaptation, and more than once. Moving to a new place, changing school or job, starting a family, divorce... Adaptation is always associated with certain difficulties, but a very special case is the appearance of an adopted child in the family. It’s difficult for parents too, but they are adults and remain in their familiar environment. What is it like for a little person for whom everything around him has quickly and dramatically changed! Fortunately, there is experience accumulated by adoptive parents and recommendations for newly-minted adoptive parents. Let's talk about this. General information How long and how painful the adaptation will be largely depends on the psychological characteristics of the child, his age and past life experience. Someone is overly excited and fussy, someone begins to behave fearfully, afraid of everything in the world. Fright can be caused by things, smells, animals, and people that are unusual for a child. There are almost no men in children's institutions, so some children are scared of them at first. Others, on the contrary, will cling to their dad, as if making up for the lack of paternal care for themselves. The adaptation process is individual for everyone, but conditionally it can be divided into stages. First stageIn the first stage, relationships are usually very warm. Both parents and adopted children seem to be in a hurry to enjoy each other, to give all the accumulated affection and tenderness. The child is obedient, does everything with pleasure, and often immediately calls his adoptive parents mom and dad. But this is not yet love, but only the desire for love. The child’s state is contradictory: both joy and anxiety. This often causes feverish agitation and makes it difficult to concentrate. Children may grab onto one thing or another, ask again many times, and confuse the names of relatives. There is no need to make hasty conclusions about their poor memory and even mental retardation! It’s just that the child still doesn’t cope well with the abundance of new impressions. Patience, affection and calm confidence of adults are the best helpers at this stage. Second stage The second stage begins when the primary euphoria passes and everyday order is established. It is associated with a change in previous behavioral stereotypes. It is here that psychological barriers between adults and children often and acutely manifest themselves: contradictions in habits, characteristics of temperament, character, and so on. This is most typical for older children, because they already have their own ideal of family relationships, which is unlikely to coincide with reality. As a result, children begin to be capricious, cry, experience fears, and sometimes show seemingly inexplicable aggressiveness. There is regression in behavior (kids “forget how” to use the potty, take care of themselves, and so on). Parents also often lack patience and strength, breakdowns occur, and then a feeling of guilt sets in. It is important to understand the reasons for behavior - both the child’s and your own. It is useful to consult with a psychologist and other adoptive parents. It is also important to understand that “this nightmare” will not last forever: such an understanding already makes life easier. Third stage The third stage finally brings normalization of relations. The storms slowly subside, tensions are replaced by more natural and warm relationships. Children become freer and calmer, they begin to actively participate in the life of the family - that is, they become truly family. They have finally adapted to their new family. It is important that mom and dad do not experience excessive fear of “bad heredity” and do not blame all childhood problems on it. There is no need to be afraid to talk to your child about his past (of course, if he himself raises this topic). For example, kids may ask why mom and dad took so long to find him, while older ones are often interested in their roots. There is nothing wrong with this: with healthy relationships in the family, the child truly loves his adoptive parents and is strongly attached to them. So, knowledge about it helps to survive all the difficulties of adaptation, as well as patience, parental endurance and, of course, love. It’s also important to remember: emerging!