Our brain does not trigger any emotion just like that, because they all require energy. And he always chooses the emotion and reaction that he considers the best option at this particular moment. Accordingly, if your brain decides to turn on resentment, it means that it believes that you need it for something. Therefore, if you want to stop being offended by someone, then you should first figure out why you need this emotion. To put it very simply, you are offended because you want to get something good from the person, but you don’t get it. That is, you want the person did or said something good, but he doesn’t do it the way you want. Resentment is a negative emotion. And it is always the other side of some positive experience. For example, you want a person to compliment you. If he says what you expect, you will feel joy. If he doesn’t tell you, you’ll be offended by him. Resentment arises because he did not say, and joy appears because he did say. And these are two sides of the same coin. Therefore, you cannot simply get rid of the insult, and at the same time retain the same joy from the compliment. To get rid of negative experiences, you will have to generally change your attitude towards what the other person does or says. That is, treat it more calmly, without strong negativity and without euphoria. Regardless of what exactly he says - he praises you or scolds you. First check yourself - do you really want this. Are you comfortable with the prospect that your emotions and your reactions to other people will be more even, without euphoria and strong emotional swings. Next, if you still want to stop being offended, you will need to solve three main tasks: Find your harmful thoughts Challenge these harmful thoughts and formulate useful ones instead. Change your perception of the situation. Now let's look at these points in a little more detail. 1. Find your harmful thoughts Imagine that you are watching a person drink alcohol. And you can track everything that happens in his body. You will notice how a chemical reaction occurs in his blood, endorphins are produced in the brain, and he feels good. In this situation, we clearly see the cause, effect and the whole process. Now remember the situation when you are offended by someone. Let’s say your friend says the phrase: “I didn’t expect this from you.” And you are offended by her. How is this situation fundamentally different from the previous one? It differs in that in the second situation the friend is separate from you and does not directly inject anything into your blood. But your emotional state changes. Why? Because you somehow evaluate her words. If she said the same phrase in some foreign language unknown to you, you would not be offended. This means that you are offended not because she said some phrase, but because you somehow understood this phrase. First you understood, and then you were offended. That is, first some idea arose in your head, some thought. Try to answer the question yourself: “If she says so, then what does it mean? If so, how does she feel about me? Why and how is this bad?” As a result, you will find some idea in yourself like: she doesn’t appreciate me / doesn’t love me / I’m not needed / I’m bad, etc. It’s these kinds of thoughts that trigger your resentment. 2. Challenge harmful thoughts and formulate useful ones. After you have identified your harmful thoughts, remember how and why we have them. You can read more about what Assessments are and how they are formed in the article: How we make ourselves unhappy. Technology in action In short, such thoughts (Evaluations) are formed in us in very early childhood in order to adequately respond to a parent - primarily to a mother - and keep her close. For a child, such thoughts are useful because they help him survive. In the future, the same Evaluations with the same meanings and strong emotions automatically arise in us in the same way in adult life. The only difference is that in adult life they are no longer!💪