Every child is “non-standard”, that is, not like the others. But often, in the word “non-standard”, parents put not pride, but anxiety (all children are like children, but ours...). Speaking about non-standardity, parents justify their conclusions by comparing the child with “others” (children). The paradox is that in reality there are no “others”. Of course, by saying this, parents assume a certain “average image of a child” with which they compare their own. But this image is not of the “average real”, but of the Ideal Child. That is, the parent’s idea of ​​what HIS child should be like (and he, as the parent of such a child). Of course, there are many features of children’s behavior that upset parents. Below, in the articles, I will limit myself to reflections on such features as: “withdrawal/shyness” (anxiety) and “aggression” (impulsiveness). It is important to clarify that we are talking specifically about behavioral characteristics, and not about the manifestation of diseases (when it is necessary to follow the recommendations of the specialists who are seeing the child). The articles ““Non-standard” child. Closedness/shyness” and ““Non-standard” child. Aggression” outline some of the “complexities” of a child’s behavior when his psychological disharmonies focus attention on family problems. If you look at the beginning of the article, you might think - What do parents want to fix? Perhaps the features of a real child that do not coincide with ideal ideas? Undoubtedly, when parents buy toys, choose a garden, and spend their leisure time, they are guided by some of their dreams and ideals. But, if this “family image” is suddenly destroyed by a living and real child, then parents often perceive this discrepancy as a “flaw” (of the child) that simply needs to be corrected. And they correct: they force, encourage, prohibit, bring the child closer and closer to their image. Therefore, the first question for a parent will probably be: “is there really something wrong with my child? or is he not very similar to the one I would like to see? Therefore, in my opinion, it is better to understand your child and act on his side than to “fix” and “cure”. Parents who do not show understanding and acceptance of the child transmit information to him: “You are bad, wrong. You are not as good as you should be” (in my dreams). And the child gets the experience of rejection*. Further, depending on individual characteristics, some children withdraw into themselves (defensive position), others try to attack first (hostile position, aggression). But more about this in the articles (located below): ““Non-standard” child. Closedness/shyness” and ““Non-standard” child. Aggression.”_________________* Comment: the meaning of the concept of “outcast” is that a person (child) is not initially accepted, rejected (in comparison - “abandoned”, i.e. found himself alone, but until recently needed and needed by many). Rejection, as a psychological trauma, is associated with the child’s perceived inferiority, his “otherness.” For example, the “orphanhood complex,” when vulnerability, insecurity, and, as a consequence, the inability to form close relationships in the future (inability to contact others, avoidance of communication) come to the fore).