I'm not a robot

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I'm not a robot

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Privacy - Terms

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Manipulation is an indirect form of communication, using which the manipulator wants to extract some benefit from another person for himself. Realizing that a direct message will not lead to the desired result, the manipulator prefers to act in roundabout ways. And we can talk not only about material, but also about emotional benefits. For example, some manipulators want to be pitied, others want not to be abandoned, others want to cause discomfort to a person by making him feel guilty or aggressive, and others want to force another person to experience his feelings. Why, despite the manipulator’s clearly expressed need for communication, does he not express his wishes and dissatisfaction directly? There can be a lot of reasons here - some manipulators consider the direct message absurd (it would be absurd to admit to a friend your own envy and desire to spoil her mood), shameful, inappropriate, or they are afraid of an open and honest reaction from the interlocutor. So, in romantic relationships, it is sometimes difficult to admit even to yourself that you are jealous of your partner’s friends, since it may look absurd, and the partner may well answer that he is a free person and is not at all obliged to isolate himself in relationships and limit himself in communicating with friends. Or a mother can tell her son that he is already old enough to buy his own phone, and therefore does not need her help. Anticipating a refusal, the manipulator resorts to cunning tricks in order to still achieve what he wants. For example, he can become psychosomatically involved in the situation and suddenly “get sick”, sit the whole evening with a sour face, and utter an offensive phrase out of the blue. Sometimes manipulators resort to more complex, sophisticated forms of behavior in response to the actions of loved ones that they do not like. Thus, they can reward behavior that is convenient and desirable for themselves and punish the unwanted. For example, whenever a son has a girlfriend, the mother, who was late in separation, may suddenly move away from him, show coldness and shower him with reproaches. As soon as he breaks up, she blossoms in warmth and acceptance. Manipulation is observed not only in family, but also in business relationships. A boss raising his voice, threats, ignoring, unspoken deprivation of bonuses, or an attempt to keep people in fear of deprivation are also forms of manipulation. Manipulations are not necessarily aggressive - in form they can look benevolent, but in fact, after manipulative statements, a person is left with an ambivalent feeling of dubious communication, when, on the one hand, they seem to be telling him something good, on the other, he feels a false message and double the bottom of these words. In everyday life, as a rule, in response to manipulation, we observe an equally manipulative counterattack, as a result of which relationships between people become extremely confused and tense. However, counter-manipulation is not the best way to resist manipulation, since thanks to it, manipulative communication does not stop, but, on the contrary, is delayed, significantly depleting both parties and alienating them from each other. Having become entangled in manipulations, people no longer remember and feel how it all began, the very primary message that they would like to convey. Sometimes manipulative interaction develops into constant hostility, when people who are unpleasant to each other are forced to stay in the same place for a long time or are bound by common responsibilities. And, ultimately, manipulative communication turns out to be harmful for both parties, because by increasing manipulation, a person risks reaching the most extreme forms of destructive behavior. Thus, to resist manipulation, it is not enough to simply recognize it and manipulate in response. It is necessary to change the very strategy of interaction with the manipulator, not responding to his ambivalent messages, and, therefore, maintaining emotional stability to what he says and does. It is this stability that draws the line between successful and unsuccessful]

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