In the article I will analyze a piece of work with a client whose child had an illness considered psychosomatic. The mother’s goal was to figure out what went wrong, where and how she “turned” in the wrong direction. After all, it is known that all the difficulties with a child under 3 years old are about family. A piece of work is now not about techniques, but about the conclusions that emerged as a result of several meetings. So, the client’s request: “To figure out what I’m doing wrong, what’s happening in the family such that a child (up to a year old) is sick.” Before I had the task of researching the history of the family where the child was born, the relationship between spouses, ways of interaction in the family, and so on. That is, a good question, with the right questions from different angles. The following characteristics of the mother were revealed: the desire for ideality, including for oneself as a mother (this is the second child, with the first there is a difficult relationship, up to complete mutual understanding) initially there is a lot of anxiety about health the child even before birth (he is late, needs extra attention!) Hence the following actions: exclusion of contacts with strangers, no visits, especially to a shopping center, etc. Grandparents are not allowed in the apartment. walks on the balcony until spring, since autumn and winter are the time of viruses; constant treatment of the apartment with disinfectants (to protect against infection); restriction of the child’s movement (sex is the source of infection; playpen, sofa, bed for crawling) slogan in the family (for the husband as well) - everything for the child!!! Sex can wait. I’ll prepare the food myself, I and the child. Is it clear that the couple has never been anywhere? It stems from the fact that you can’t go anywhere. These are the key points. If such requests arise in a consulting mode (me and the client analyze the situation, I help look at what’s happening from different angles), I offer a book to help. More about it below. I’ll make a footnote regarding counseling and therapeutic interaction. Therapy is some kind of request to understand oneself: how to change the desire for ideality? How to stop controlling everything? Why are my husband’s needs of little value to me and how can I change this? And so on. That is, for a sustainable result, a deeper study and change in oneself is necessary. We return to consultations and to the book. When a mother needs to be shown how to interact with a child, I suggest reading Jean Ledloff’s “How to Raise a Happy Child.” The principle of continuity.” There are no practical recommendations here; don’t waste your time if you are looking for them. It is the principle that is described here. It needs to be understood, felt. You don't even have to read the whole book. Just to capture the essence! In a nutshell: parents should not live for the child: protecting, creating, giving. And with him! Living an ordinary, natural life, not leaving your baby alone until one year is the key! And doing the usual things with him. Life changes with the arrival of a newborn! But minimally. If we speak figuratively, then it is not the mother’s gaze that is turned to the child, but the child, as it were, embraced by the mother and turned with his face towards the world. When the world begins to revolve around the baby, don’t expect anything good. But wait for psychosomatics. For example, all skin diseases of children are about a huge merger in the family system. Here you need to look not only at the nuclear family (mom and dad), but also at the separation (often psychological) from the older generation. But that’s another story. Consent for publication has been received. Any coincidences are random. Your psychologist, Elena Kislova.