You have noticed that your boundaries in contact with other people are regularly violated. What to do about this? First, we must talk about a situation when you simply do not notice that your boundaries are being violated. In such cases, the best way to notice this is through feedback from other people. A person close or familiar to you will sooner or later say: “Do you notice that you are doing something that you shouldn’t or don’t want to do? Are you sure you want to fulfill this person’s request? It’s clear that you don’t have time or money for this.” You look at him and say, “Really? I don’t notice.” It may turn out that you come to therapy and talk about some story from your life, for example, about numerous acts of violence towards you, and the psychologist in response says: “This is very bad, I can’t live like this, I It’s very painful to hear this.” This is how sensitivity is also restored, you didn’t think before that this was bad, that it shouldn’t be like this. That what is happening to you now from other people is called violence and initially you will notice it, perhaps on an intellectual level, if you haven’t noticed it before. The simplest marker that your boundaries have been violated is emotional or physical discomfort when communicating with people around you. Perhaps at some moments you will notice that your boundaries were violated by other people after some time, after two hours, after three days, after six months, that is, this is a matter of sensitivity. This is a very important place, it’s great that if this happened, we can and should work with it! Why? Because the click of a magic switch will not work, if you have lived your life, you are 30-50 years old and your boundaries have been violated all the time, and you have never noticed it, and now suddenly you have started to notice, you will need time. So, the first stage: first you notice that your boundaries are violated, this can happen after a month, two weeks, a week. If you begin to notice that your boundaries are being violated even after some time, ask yourself the question: what reaction does this cause in me? And you will notice certain feelings in yourself, among which there may be a feeling of anger. This is a very important feeling that helps to build boundaries of contact with other people. Or you will feel disgust if the boundary of contact is violated, for example, by your friend or mother, who calls you every day and hangs on the phone for three hours, you are already blown away by such volume information, but you can’t hang up and only after some time you realize that I don’t want to live like this! The next, second thing you can do is ask yourself the question: how do I feel about this? In this case, your sensitivity will gradually begin to recover, the process of awareness will grow, which we need to regulate this very boundary. Pay attention to this: what happens to you when these boundaries are violated? Even if it happens after a day, a week or a month. How would I like to restore this boundary? Over time, this period will shorten and if, for example, before you noticed that your boundaries were violated after a week, then after five hours, after three, then after one, and then at the moment and here is the important thing - will this period be shortened? depends on whether you are able to be aware. And the third factor, no less important for restoring boundaries with other people, is how clearly can you communicate this to other people? You need to learn to speak directly about what is happening to you, what you noticed about yourself here when you understand that boundaries have been violated, how I feel about this, what I don’t like, so that I want to change and further bring it into contact. It's never too late to bring this into contact. For example, if at a last meeting with your girlfriend or friend something caught your attention or offended you, it’s never too late, even after a week, to talk about it when you meet her or him again. So, if your boundaries are violated: the first thing is important to do is to notice it as a fact. Secondly, take this fact into account!