From the author: The article is posted on the website Boundary violations are a key point in psychological counseling. This is a topic that needs elaboration and often comes up when analyzing the client’s life situations. So what are boundaries and how do they break? Boundaries from a psychological point of view are the limits of our “I”, invisible, not visually marked, but clearly larger than our physical body; this is an understanding of who can be allowed into my inner world and who cannot, what I do for myself and what for others. Each person has his own idea of ​​the boundaries of his “I”. Boundaries can be hard or blurred. Rigid boundaries indicate a person’s clear idea of ​​where his “I” begins and ends, and where everyone else is. Blurred boundaries are often accompanied by merging with other people, with work, with social activities. There is a huge amount of information on the topic: how to resist the violation of boundaries, what to say, what phrases are most acceptable for such a rebuff. But, it seems to me that at present too little information is provided on how to understand that your borders are being violated, where is this invisible line of violation, how to detect and defend it? After all, many clients feel discomfort, anger, resentment, not suspecting that their boundaries are being violated. And when asked what you did to defend yourself, they answer, as in the famous joke: “What could have been?” In my article I want to give various examples of boundary violations from the lives of clients. So, first: violation of boundaries in the parental family. The most common phenomenon is violation of boundaries in the parental family. From childhood we are taught that we need to help relatives, take into account the opinions of elders, that family is a priority, etc. And so it turns out somehow imperceptibly that we do many things in such a way that it would be pleasant for mother, grandfather, and grandmother. We perceive the opinion of the most authoritative member of the family as the only correct one, and it doesn’t matter that in doing so we will go astray from the intended path and gradually poison our lives. The question arises: “Where is your “I” in all this? What do you really think about raising your child, about the family way of life, about what is important to you and only you? For some reason, it turns out that people, especially if a young family lives in their parents’ house, can no longer separate where in this huge family they are and where everyone else is. Second: violation of boundaries in marriage. The same thing happens in a nuclear family, but often not so obvious. Violation of boundaries in marriage always happens, but ideally it looks like connecting two puzzles. In this case, peace and tranquility reigns in the house. However, if the puzzles stubbornly do not converge, then we are talking about a violation of the boundaries of both spouses, and psychological study is necessary here. People with blurred boundaries easily let another person into their inner world, and just as easily, having become disillusioned with him, expel him. If there is this kind of violation of boundaries in a family, then you can see ambivalent relationships in the family, accompanied by such phrases: “I can’t live without you” and then “I hate you for this.” Third: violation of boundaries in psychotherapy. A client with blurred boundaries, like As was said above, he easily lets a psychologist into his inner world. At this stage, the client is effusive with praise and showers the therapist with gifts. If you do not work through this phenomenon with the client in time, then after a while he will go to the other extreme, and at the first resistance he will be disappointed in therapy, accusing the psychologist of incompetence, trampling him in the eyes of others. Fourth: The phenomenon of blurred boundaries in work activity. The problem is often accompanied by overwork and workaholism, a person cannot separate his responsibilities from related, interconnected responsibilities, but not his. Usually it all ends with the fact that while doing someone else’s work along the way, a person loads himself with more and more responsibilities, and imperceptibly they grow on him. At this stage, it’s not so easy to give up “other people’s” responsibilities..