Where is the line between a well-mannered and a “comfortable” child? And is there an equal sign between these two concepts? “Convenient” children are not capricious, obey, carry out all the instructions of their parents and teachers, do not throw tantrums, study diligently and are always polite, parents are never ashamed of them (not because parents understand, that this is a child, but because he gives no reason), they are polite and tidy with everyone! It would seem that it’s just a dream, and not parenthood, but like everything, this “convenience” has a downside. The two most important and dangerous consequences of this state of affairs: - suppressed emotions and feelings (psychosomatics, inability to experience positive emotions too) ;- inability to say “no” (complete lack of personal boundaries). Then you can draw in bold strokes a portrait of a future neurotic with excellent student syndrome: - lack of understanding of one’s own desires and needs (they were not taken into account in childhood); - constant desire to earn approval (I don’t get praised = they don’t love me); - background anxiety (due to an internal conflict between “I want” and “need”); - inability to take responsibility for one’s life; - falling into codependent relationships over and over again. Each of us is individual, so it’s difficult say to what extent and what exactly will happen in a particular case, but these manifestations will be more or less drawn like a red thread through a person’s life. It turns out that you need to allow everything, close your eyes to those around you and say with a sweet smile: “oh, well, that’s children”? This is where, I think, you need to find this fine line between education and training. It helps me a lot to understand that everyone’s personal boundaries end where the other’s personal boundaries begin. Of course, if in a restaurant full of people or a theater a child begins to behave too defiantly/takes other people’s things/obliges/fights/yells at other people (each will add to the list for yourself), then you need to intervene. But you can intervene in different ways: you can shout, you can punish, you can enter into conflict, or you can calmly say that such behavior is unacceptable and explain why (for example, screaming and screaming on the playground is ok, but you shouldn’t do this in the theater), while showing the child: his feelings are important at the moment. Yes, most likely, such methods of education as “conversations” and “personal example” will take much more time, and they will be given sometimes it’s much harder than some harsh measures (we are all human, and we also have feelings, and a huge baggage behind us that we have been dragging along with us since childhood), sometimes we don’t have the strength to squeeze out of ourselves something more intelligible than “because that I said so.” But in the long run this will bring much more fruit and, most importantly, benefit to the child.