From the author: This article is dedicated to all grandparents who want to raise worthy and successful grandchildren! I have long wanted to write an article like this, especially after conversations with parents who brought their children to me for consultation! Our dear and respected grandparents! Please answer the question: how much do you love your grandchildren? I have no doubt, of course, that you will answer that very much. And you'll be right. But then my second question arises: why do you spoil your grandchildren? Is this a manifestation of love for them? Or is this a manifestation of hatred towards your children (son-in-law or daughter-in-law)? Maybe this is a manifestation of hidden aggression towards them? Hard? Yes! But how else can I get you to think about it? Let's look at a few life situations. Mom and dad raise their child according to the same rules, for example, after playing, he must put away the toys himself. And when the grandmother picks up the child, he doesn’t have to put the toys back; the grandmother will clean it up herself. How do you think a child should feel after such different demands? How should he behave? Have you ever noticed a change in your grandchildren's behavior after visiting you? Or have your children never told you about this? I think they did, and more than once, but you didn’t hear or didn’t want to hear! After all, your grandson or granddaughter is so good, so obedient, such wonderful children, but when they return to their parents, then it’s the parents’ fault, they are the ones raising the child incorrectly, and that’s why the child rebels! But only a child’s rebellion is an external manifestation of his internal tension! A child, seeing such different demands from his beloved loved ones, simply does not understand how to behave correctly, he begins to worry and tense, gets nervous because he does not know where the limit is after which punishment will follow. And when he comes home again, he simply gives himself the opportunity to relax and gives an outlet to all the tension that he accumulated during his stay with his grandmother. This is the way we get rebellion. Pay attention to the child’s feelings, are they positive? Now think about it, if a child, while visiting you, begins to experience such feelings, then do you, grandparents, really show love to your grandchildren? As far as I know, love evokes opposite feelings in return! That is why I asked a question about hatred of children (son-in-law or daughter-in-law). Think again about this question! Here’s another example: a mother asks her child to help her do something, and the grandmother tells her grandson or granddaughter that she will do it herself, and let him/her go and play with friends. Mom, naturally, will not know about this. Did grandma do well? Did she show her love and care? At first glance it may seem so, but let's look at this situation from the other side. Let's say that a grandson or granddaughter will be grateful for such a “gift”, because they will spend more time playing and communicating with friends. But what can they learn from this? How to deceive your mother? Or how to consider mother’s demands unimportant? Will my mother's authority suffer from this? Will suffer if such situations are repeated quite often! But that’s not all: can your grandson or granddaughter learn to do well what mom asked? After all, mastery comes only through repeated performance of the same action. Well, now you can answer the question: did the grandmother show her love and care for her grandchildren? Or is this again a manifestation of hidden aggression towards your adult children? Let's look at another example: again, a mother will ask her little child of about six years old to do something, for example, wash the floor, and the grandmother, who came to visit at that time, will begin to tell the mother that the child is still small, that it is too early for him to carry out such assignments . And all this will happen with the child. Will grandma do well? Let's just say that this situation is very similar to the previous one, with only one!