We need to tell you. Otherwise, many people get confused. And if you don’t confuse it, then a lot of things become much clearer even before a visit to a psychologist, even at the stage when a person is just trying to understand the essence of the problem with which he is going to a psychologist... The difference is about the same as if you said “There’s something wrong with my shoe (with my boot)” or “There’s something wrong with my shoe (with my boot).” In the first case, the problem with the quality of the shoes themselves is not related. Well, a pebble got inside, or a twig. You take off the shoe, shake it out, put it back on - no problem. In the second case, the problem is precisely the change in the quality of the shoes. The heel broke. The sole came off. With relationships, of course, everything is somewhat more complicated in terms of solving problems. Of course, it is also possible to shake someone out of them. However, this will inevitably lead to the termination of the relationship itself... But, at least with such a distinction, the subject of the work becomes clear. When we talk about a crisis in a relationship, this means that one or both partners are experiencing a personal psycho-emotional crisis. Individual. Who is a person experiencing an individual crisis? He feels bad not because he is specifically in this relationship, with this particular partner. At this point in his life, he would feel bad in any relationship, with any partner. And even alone he would feel bad. He feels bad about himself...If both partners separately are not experiencing any personal crisis at this stage of life, but their relationship suddenly went wrong - this is the second case: a relationship crisis. That is, the psychologist asks the person: well, are you actually feeling good?.. By yourself, by yourself? Yes, he says. Is your partner doing well, what do you think?.. Does he have any personal problems? Apparently not, he says. It’s just that we can’t agree. And we cannot live peacefully. They used to be able to, but suddenly they couldn’t anymore. In everything. Right up to sex. And it must be said that the psychologist deals with the first case, of course, much more often than with the second... The situation of a relationship crisis is the subject of the so-called. "family therapy", couple therapy. The psychologist, in fact, in this situation plays the role of a mediator, an intermediary. Both partners come to him. And he, so to speak, begins, right in their presence, to translate what they mutually said from male to female, and vice versa. Because, of course, these two languages ​​differ much more than Greek and Arabic. Translates, translates... And then, over the course of several weeks (well, or months) it so smoothly and gradually dissolves into thin air, not too noticeable for the partners... That is, they don’t even notice that the first sessions communicated, negotiated, and sorted things out almost exclusively through him, but the last few sessions were almost without him, directly. That's it, communication has been restored. Relations have reached, so to speak, a new qualitative level. And they take this virtual mediator, intermediary, their acquired little brownie, whom the psychologist so unobtrusively raised between them, home, and there they continue to successfully communicate with its help. And they even take it to bed with them. As the old Soviet joke said, “The new bedroom set “Lenin with us” is already on sale!”.. And after their departure, the tired psychologist again materializes out of thin air and counts the money he earned. Well, or he simply smiles a blissful smile, looking at the sunset... But this happens less often. And more often, this is when one or both partners mistakenly assume that their relationship has deteriorated. But in fact, the partners themselves have deteriorated. In a relationship. One or both...Ask yourself: do I really feel bad from these relationships?..Is this relationship really the source of my pain? And before this relationship was I feeling good? Or was it also bad? And if now I am deprived of this relationship, I will immediately feel better. Fine? Or not right away? Or will it not happen at all?.. Am I really infuriated by this creature, which I call my husband (wife, boyfriend, girlfriend), and which I once loved? Or is it that the creature that looks at me that infuriates me much more? from the mirror?.. And which I can’t even remember about,...