What is adult love? What is it like to be a psychological adult? How can one start the process of psychological maturation from karmic relationships? I will now try to answer all these questions for you. Very often you ask me: “Have I already lived through enough pain? Have I suffered enough? Have I grown out of this relationship?” Do you know how you can distinguish karmic relationships from any other relationships? By craving, by the attraction that we have towards a person. Adult love is still a gradual thing. Do you love him just like that or for something? Once upon a time, my friend asked me a question: “Why do you love him?” I had a rather complicated, difficult relationship, and at that time I did not yet know what addiction was. I was very surprised by this question and said: “Is it possible to love for something? But just like that.” She insisted: “Well, why did you fall in love with this man?” I could not answer her and considered this question regarding love to be incorrect. My friend continued her speech: “I love my Borya for this, for this, for this and for that. And I don’t need anyone else.” You know, she turned out to be right. Now, after many years, when many things have been rethought and changed, I understand what she was talking about. Then I was in a karmic relationship, I simply adored this person for nothing. He was not distinguished by anything special, did not possess any insanely cool human qualities, and did not perform any feats. In general, he was not remarkable at all. But I had a feeling for him. This is a karmic relationship. Moreover, this feeling arose immediately. From the first minute I saw him, I felt that he was mine. This is where this “mine” comes from? From the first minutes the person is a stranger, right? How can he be ours? We don't know him. Our unconscious knows him because he is our internal introject. It may be repressed and we never suspect it. But when, when communicating with a person, a feeling of “mine” arises, it means that it is really mine. This is a native part, but it is in our inner world. And I repeat, it is most likely forced out. What is this native part? Our parents are our internal introjects. A person with whom we interact for a long time becomes part of our inner world. If we spent a lot of time with our grandmother, our grandmother will be part of our inner world. If with brothers and sisters, they will be parts of our inner world. Similarly, both mom and dad. That is, all the people with whom we interacted very closely will be parts of our inner world. But if we with an external object, for example, with our mother, even in our childhood history entered into some kind of deep conflict? If we don’t accept its principles, attitude towards us, attitude towards people? If her idea of ​​life, the world, and so on is not in tune with us? Naturally, against the background of this conflict, the inner mother, like our introject, will also be repressed. Because we don’t want to come into contact with it, with this introject. Some of its manifestations and actions are alien and unpleasant to us. This part is there, inside. And here we are, all beautiful, walking down the street, the man noticed. And literally after 5-10 minutes of communication, it seems to us that he is dear, as if we have known him for 100 years. We feel like we have known him all our lives. That's right, all our lives - this is our inner part. It’s good if there was no conflict and pain in the relationship with your family. If everything is so safe and healthy there, then when we meet a loved one, we will get on good terms with him. Then everything is fine, people live happily. And if with this loved one there, in our childhood history there was a lot of pain, worries and suffering, we couldn’t get love, we didn’t get enough, we felt deprived, and this dear part is not very good related to us, then in external reality this dear person will reproduce all our feelings that were then. This is a karmic relationship. We again find ourselves in our familiar nurserya story where we were not happy, where we were not in bliss, emotional satiety. We didn't feel happy. Karmic relationships are painful relationships that reproduce the familiar childhood pain. What happens when, entering into karmic relationships, we do not run away, but work correctly with these feelings? By the way, in August I will have a cool program, short but intense . It’s called “Psychological Maturation.” Watch when it starts and you can feel for yourself how to get out of karmic relationships. Let's return to the topic. If, while in a karmic relationship, you experience this pain correctly, then you can come out of the relationship, and I don’t mean a physical way out, completely different. Already a little older. Of course, becoming a mega adult takes time, it is not a quick path. But still, you can come out a little different. If we meet a person when we are old enough inside, having sorted out our parts, then we may no longer be drawn to those familiar parts. Because they are no longer the anchors of our pain. And then love will not be like attraction. Adult love and strong attraction at first sight are not the same thing. As a rule, karmic people meet before the age of 40 and a strong attraction arises immediately and quickly. Therefore, the idea has become entrenched that love is when you are drawn to a person immediately. It seems to us that when we meet a person and such an instant attraction does not arise, then this is not a love story. But if we are old enough, have already experienced a lot, when the structure of “I ” has really changed internally, then when we meet a person, we do not correct and do not chase this attraction. But when we get to know him, we develop interest, respect, admiration, and a feeling is born. Remember the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears.” I turn to him often. Fragment when Goga is on the train. Was the heroine immediately attracted to him? Absolutely not. She noticed the dirty shoes, the plain look. Do you remember what kind of lover she had? A fairly social, successful, interesting young man. And this Goga, aka Gosha, was absolutely not the hero of her novel. But, having started to get to know him, having learned how his friends spoke about him, how he helped his daughter, how he relates to life, to people, to her, the heroine felt a masculine core in him, she had a feeling. Adult love is not attraction . If attraction arises immediately, this is a children's story. What to do if attraction does not arise? I always say: just allow a man to be in your life, start getting to know him. Maybe this will happen, after some time you will begin to see something different in him. A calm, kind, good, comfortable feeling will begin to awaken in you. Or maybe this is love. Not a powerful attraction, not a flame, but a calm, good and warm feeling, like a fire in a fireplace. There was a man in my client’s life. She didn't pay any attention to him at all. After parting with her karmic men, having experienced a lot, allowing this man to be in her space, she began to develop a feeling for him and even a sexual attraction that was not there before. Therefore, adult love is not about craving, it is not clear what it is based on. But if you think about why you love a man, what is it about him that evokes your admiration and respect? Let me give you an example: you have arrived in a completely unfamiliar city. You get off the plane and say: “Oooh, I love this city.” But no! You don't know this city. After living there for several days, walking around, wandering the streets, trying local food, going to some places, talking with people, you begin to love this city. You want to go back. You liked him, you felt something of yourself in him. Warmth, culture, speed... It doesn’t matter. It’s the same with a man. If we get off the plane and, not knowing the city, say that we love him, it means that something has anchored from our childhood history. This means that the connection with this city is karmic. And adult love comes with time... I hope that thanks to this article you will understand your karmic.