Adult children or the problem of learned helplessness. More and more often in my practice I am able to observe a childish position in a client. What is this, reluctance to grow up? The desire to remain a child (girl) who really needs a strong male shoulder, a broad back, etc.? As a rule, they do not even realize what role they play. And the complaint is made mainly about the impossibility of building a long and strong relationship with a man. Women and girls who are in a childish position are not interesting for a man in an adult position, because according to the age of a woman (girl), specific deeds, actions, understanding, sympathy are expected from her, participation, one can list many, many more things that are inherent in an adult. And in response they receive misunderstanding, resentment and various kinds of teenage reactions. Everyone suffers from this, some revel in their suffering, while others break off the relationship. Relationships can only be built with a man who is in the same childish position. Here it is possible to observe development in several ways. As long as both are satisfied with this position, the relationship will continue, and of course, quarrels, scandals, insults and vivid emotional manifestations with stormy reconciliation are not excluded. As soon as one of the partners moves into an adult position, the relationship shows a deep crack. While there is no clear awareness of the partners what games they are playing, there is no desire to change anything in themselves, there is only a desire to change something in the partner, or in some way - then change the situation. There are complaints, a struggle for leadership, an inability to listen and hear the interlocutor, and, as a rule, there is no dialogue, there is a monologue with complaints. In this case, my task as a psychologist is to help understand role positions, satisfy the needs of the “inner child,” and help go through the stages psychological maturation and realize the advantage of an adult position. As a rule, “getting stuck” in a child’s position does not happen just like that, but because of a traumatic situation experienced in childhood. Everyone has their own, the manifestations of the psyche are individual, and some watch horror films at night, while others fall into a trance from scenes of violence on the news. Thanks to the protective mechanisms of the psyche, the traumatic situation is repressed, erased from their memory, but the reaction to it remains. This is a mechanism for the formation of learned helplessness. In the most advanced cases, these families come to the attention of the guardianship authorities and are taken under control by social protection centers. But this is where this situation is passed down from generation to generation and becomes a family history. In any case, there is no need to aggravate and accumulate dissatisfaction, it is much easier to turn to a psychologist and work on yourself individually, or in pairs, if both have a desire to grow up!