Part 2 Learned helplessness is a personal inability to take any actions aimed at improving the situation. Moreover, actions are both aimed at acquiring positivity and avoiding negativity. Learned helplessness has a stable general character. That is, it does not depend on the situations in which a person finds himself, but is one of the qualities of character. I wrote in detail about what learned helplessness is and how it was discovered in the previous article “The ability to influence the outcome and success of life.” According to the results of the study, three sources of the formation of learned helplessness were identified: Lack of the ability to independently influence the events of one’s life Observation of helpless people Lack of independence in childhood and the willingness of parents to do everything for the child. Most often, learned helplessness occurs in children and adolescents against the backdrop of difficult life circumstances and improper upbringing. Before we figure out what events influence the formation of helplessness in children, let’s outline what it leads to in the external picture and in the inner world of a person. Externally, learned helplessness looks like this (single manifestations or their bizarre combinations are possible): Depression Apathy Increased anxiety General decrease in the body’s protective functions Psychosomatic disorders (depending on individual characteristics - changes in pressure, problems with the gastrointestinal tract, frequent “colds” and, as a result, sinusitis, sinusitis, pharyngitis, etc.) In everyday life, everything goes as usual and you may not notice, but if you look at the whole picture as a whole, you can see the avalanche of sadness, illnesses and problems that a person has. And the most reliable indicator is that a person does nothing to change this state. The internal state is not much better, I’ll tell you. Inside, most often, there is one prevailing state of hopelessness, which turns into several basic thoughts: It is impossible to change this and you should not even try. Yes, others can do it, but I can’t do it. They are different (talented, rich, educated, smart, have acquaintances and connections), but I am not. And even if all this is there, then I am just a loser who has nothing but failures. Everything I do leads to failures. All my successes are accidents and are not based on my efforts, they are pure luck. And even if my efforts are there, it’s a coincidence. But everything where I apply my strength and talent leads to failure. And the third, most terrible thought: I am a loser and will always be a loser. My efforts are not producing results and will never produce results, no matter how hard I try. Therefore, there is no point in even trying to do anything. An interesting feature of learned helplessness is that no matter what situation it was developed in, it tends to spread its influence to many other situations. Up to the complete inactivity of a person. And when this happens, the person stops making any attempts to cope with situations and tasks. Even those that are amenable to solution and with which he is able to cope. Causes of learned helplessness in children As I wrote above, there are three causes of learned helplessness. Here I will consider what behavior of parents can form learned helplessness in a child. Lack of the ability to independently influence the events of their life. Remember the joke in which a mother calls her child home, and to his question: “Mom, am I cold?”, he receives the answer: “No, Would you like to eat". In fact, the hero of this joke (the child) develops not only learned helplessness, but also the ability to listen to his needs is destroyed. But today we are about helplessness. So why is it bad to decide everything for the children? It seems that parents are more mature and know better when and what to do, what food to eat and how to dress. What's wrong here? I wrote in notes about infantility and child-parent relationships that one of the most important tasks of parents is to prepare the child for adulthoodlife. Including teaching him to make decisions and take actions. This is an opportunity to influence your life. Initial decisions should not be global (!). They should be simple and not affect the safety and health of the child. Let your child choose which juice to drink. Or which of the suggested T-shirts to wear. Simple elections are also elections. They help the child feel how he influences his life. In the future, elections become more and more complex and varied. With each stage of growth and the passage of separation, the child is given an increasing right to decide something in his life. The lack of such opportunities ultimately forms in the child the opinion that he has no influence on his life and everything happens not of his will and without his participation. And if everything happens regardless of the child, then there is no point in making efforts. And the circle closes. A separate subsection is the experience of acute states of helplessness - physical and sexual violence, the experience of robbery and abduction, military operations, natural disasters. The consequences of all this require mandatory work with a psychotherapist. I don't consider them here. I am now talking about situations that are not extreme in appearance, but can lead to negative consequences. Observing helpless people Children learn through observation and copying. This is the most primary way of learning. From teaching walking and speaking skills to copying from parents and other significant adult behavior skills in various life situations. Remember the English proverb: “Don’t raise a child, he will still grow up to be like you.” Educate yourself." That's exactly what she's talking about. Of course, children are influenced by what we say to them, but much more influenced by how we behave and what we do. If you watch TV every evening and tell your child about the benefits of self-education, then guess what he will ultimately choose? Perhaps in adulthood he will choose self-education, when the influence of his parents will be balanced by his own experience and the influence of other significant people. But you still have to grow before that. In the meantime, he will choose evenings in front of the TV or computer. Long-term observation of helpless people also has an effect. The child learns to be helpless. This happens in two main ways. Observing the helplessness of parents or significant relatives, he copies their behavior as a significant model, important in life. And then behaves in accordance with the learned behavior. Therefore, it is worth thinking a hundred thousand times about what and how to say and do in the presence of a child. You will begin to act more decisively. The second way is to watch helplessness on TV or the Internet. Scenes of horror, violence, and other situations where the victim cannot do anything to change the situation teach the child such behavior. And the fact that he is remote and can only observe teaches him to observe such situations and do nothing. Therefore, I suggest you think about the benefits of watching news like “what terrible happened today.” In addition to forming and reinforcing the feeling of helplessness in you, it also forms it in the child. Lack of independence in childhood and the willingness of parents to do everything for the child. The third point is a little similar to the first. In fact, only the initial premise of the parents changes in it. From “I’m an adult and therefore I know better,” it changes to “It’s easier for me to do this.” Thus, parents often show concern or reduce the time spent on an activity. For example, a child is going to kindergarten. He is already quite old enough to dress himself in the clothes he chose from the set offered by his parents. BUT! The child chooses for a long time. He needs much more time than an adult to decide what color T-shirt or dress to choose. And sometimes this choice can change five times. So what is a parent doing here? That's right, the parent is in a hurry and decides for himself. Without asking the child’s opinion (and this is a manifestation of the first point in this situation). And then the child begins to dress. AND