Hello everyone! I want to build my story in the form of a confession. When you join someone’s story with your feelings, it imperceptibly highlights for you what is sometimes hidden from yourself, what you don’t want to look at... I’m 32 years old. I have been working professionally in psychology for 8 years. For several years now I have been helping people with constellations. By the way, psychologists are the same ordinary people, although there is a common opinion that we are almost “all-powerful” and “all-knowing”, and to help ourselves is generally “one, two and ready...”. This opinion greatly interferes with work because it creates an invisible barrier between the specialist and those who communicate with him. You have to prove the opposite. Yes, psychologists, like everyone else, sometimes need help not only from relatives and friends, but also from professional colleagues. So why am I doing this? In science, it is generally accepted that everyone can bear “heavy things” in life with someone or for someone in their family. But there are also milestones along the way that everyone on this Earth inevitably passes through. For example: parents leaving. And no matter how you prepare for this moment, you WILL NOT BE PREPARE! As the heroine of one Russian film (“Waiting for a Miracle”) rightly says: “My dear, sooner or later we all have a grandmother…” The same thing happened to me. It's been more than a year since my mother passed away. We knew about this in advance, we knew for a long time and fought until the last. But... alas - cancer. The relationship with my mother was always good and I am grateful to her for everything, for EVERYTHING. But you couldn’t say about us: “like girlfriends.” Not in the sense of feeling like an equal, but in another sense - sharing everything with your mother. That is, there was no emotional closeness, warmth or something. And this is exactly what the soul of any child dreams of and waits for next to its mother - an irresistible need for LOVE. From heart to heart...Then, when there was almost no hope left, endless regret, pity and guilt came. And thoughts, thoughts at the bedside: “Oh, if only I knew earlier and why she hid it from everyone...”. And it’s a terrible reality when you pray not for salvation from a loved one’s illness, but for the end of his suffering. At that time, I was completing a course in constellations. At the last seminar, I came out as a client because I couldn’t bear the pain. Then it seemed to me that my mother’s life was slipping away from me like sand through my fingers. I couldn’t shout after him: “Mom, don’t go. I need you!". And I had no right to withhold, because... it's her decision. She is my MOM, and I am only her daughter. Everything is clear to the mind, but the feelings spoke differently: “Never again... will there be an opportunity to feel the warmth of a mother’s soul.” And something prevented me from saying the MOST important thing, which is almost never said: “Mom, I love you so much and I miss you so much...” “And there was the WORD...” and there was an arrangement in which I was able to take a step towards meeting my mother. “To see” that she, like me, has her own destiny, which there is no need to fight. Indeed, in essence, Fate is THAT which is always nearby (probably you can say God or “God’s will”). Fate is nearby both in life and in death - the eternal companion and guardian of its chosen one. And our coach also helped us look beyond the PAIN to reality: after all, my mother is still ALIVE and I CAN say and do in our relationship with her what I want and what I am ready for. Without guilt or regret, I was able to realize that life is finite, and death is an important stage in our existence. Almost like turning the last page of a book you read. The work was wonderful, but there are others that can be read...Mom, of course, left, but it was easier for me to be with her until the end, until the last page. More than a year passed, and the feeling of loss was fresh. Sometimes this interfered with my professional practice when a person with a similar story came and asked for help. My own pain and, probably, a little bit of intransigence turned a blind eye to those parts of the client’s story that I myself would have a hard time seeing. And at that moment, “accidentally” I came across a famous Berlin psychologist, Natalya Spokoina, on the Internet. It talked about a special