I want to start with disappointment. It is impossible to stop experiencing aggression. I’ll tell you what to do about it and why we need this beast in this article. It’s so happened with aggression that it’s common to consider an aggressive state as something unpleasant that you don’t want to deal with, show, show. Aggression can be divided into specific emotions: irritation, anger, rage, hatred. Anger is a component of our other states, for example, resentment is considered to be packaged anger, resulting from the discrepancy between personal expectations and reality. Some clients, when coming to therapy, say that they make a sufficient amount of effort to hide anger and anger, not to experience this feeling. It often coincides that the client’s initial request was about apathy, loss of interest in life. Usually a person does not connect blocked anger and apathy. Why, why and where does anger come from? Anger is a basic emotion that arises in response to unmet needs, as well as when personal boundaries are violated. Violation of boundaries is an uninvited invasion of personal space. For example, they touched you without your permission, called you names, didn’t keep promises, took your things without asking. Angry? Are you furious? Naturally, anger is not entirely appropriate here; it also acts as a defense for you. If you endure for a long time, stay where you don’t like, do what you don’t want, don’t realize your needs, shades of aggression come, from irritation to rage. The functions of aggression are quite positive for the individual. Why can it be difficult to benefit from anger and deal with it? The reason for this may be unconscious attitudes acquired throughout life. I will give examples. "If I express anger, my mother will stop loving me." As a child, the child was afraid to show anger for fear of losing the love and care of his parents. “If I show anger, then everything around me will shatter into pieces. And to prevent this from happening, I will restrain it, as if caring so much about my loved one.” Such a belief can be formed in the process of manipulation in the family, when a parent uses phrases towards the child, such as: “you will give me a heart attack.” And then the child learns, in order not to be guilty of the “death” of the parent, not to feel guilty before him, he hides his anger first from the mother, and subsequently from himself, wrapping the anger in apathy or another symptom. “Good girls and boys don't get angry and don't scream." The manifestation of aggression in parent-child relationships was considered something bad and condemned. The presence of learned and unconscious beliefs does not eliminate anger, but leads to passive aggression. Often such a person tries to look as friendly, “good”, and comfortable as possible for others. Does not directly express disagreement or his opinion, which leads to hidden anger and self-aggression. In behavior, this can be manifested by avoidance of contact with people, illness, overeating, and more. How can I understand why I need aggression? The main task in therapy with aggression is to find the cause of aggression. In other words, find your need for something, which for some reason is not being satisfied. Aggression can only be an attempt to overcome disappointment, anxiety or despair.