From the author: This series of articles is about how to teach a child to collect toys, do homework and generally cooperate with parents. How to do this without screaming and scandals I conceived this series of articles when I once again received a question from clients about the child and lessons in September. Over several years of work, I have already developed a collective image of the following question: “Alexander, help, I don’t know what to do with my daughter.” She is 9 years old and doesn’t do her homework at all. If I don’t check, he won’t take the lessons at all. He sits down only under pressure. How many scandals have we already had, nothing helps! He sits for hours over a notebook, toils and does all sorts of bullshit. I’ll check in the evening, but nothing has been done, whether I sat or not. When I hear such a question, I very vividly imagine an exhausted child and a helpless parent. The parent, out of helplessness, begins to swear and punish. Then, when his strength runs out, he gives up. This happens because the parent does not know how to organize the learning process. But with the right approach, the problem is usually easily solved. Yes, such organization will take some time. But you will save time on scandals and attempts to force the child to do something he does not want. You will save your nerves and energy. You might even be surprised that studying can strengthen a child's attachment to their parents, rather than destroy the relationship. You may be surprised that every child loves to learn and is willing to cooperate with adults. Yes, yes, that's exactly it. Even if your child now winces at the words “sit down for your homework” and tries to run away, believe me, he loves to learn. To do this, you need to master several rules, which I will talk about in this series of articles. Just try to use these rules in communicating with children and you will see that the situation quickly changes for the better. So, this article is about how to motivate children. Rules of motivation: 1. Positive instead of negative2. Rewards and praise instead of threats and punishments It's simple here. We have 2 ways of motivation: “stick” and “carrot”. “Whip” is threats, promises to deprive something, to punish. “Gingerbread” is a promise of encouragement and reward. Let’s imagine that we need a child to do something (pick up toys, do homework, sweep, take out the trash). What happens when we use the “stick” or the “carrot”. Stick: “Do this, otherwise I will punish you...” What happens when we motivate a child with the “stick”? The child experiences a lot of “negative” emotions: fear of punishment, guilt, protest, indignation, irritation, resentment, self-pity. They gather into one big disgust. This disgust is transferred to the task to which we teach the child (for example, it becomes unpleasant for him to collect toys, doing homework, sweeping, taking out the trash), and gradually - on the figure of the parents. Parents who motivate their children with punishments and threats end up with childish disobedience and protest, aversion to business and the orders of their parents. Things don’t get done or are done every time under pressure and with a scandal, because the child puts off everything disgusting and unpleasant until the very last moment (what if he blows it?), tries not to do it. If a child puts it off until the last minute, it means he doesn’t have desires, and there is aversion to the task, they are mainly motivated by a stick. Gingerbread: “Do this, and I will reward you...” What happens when we motivate a child with a “carrot”? The child experiences a lot of positive emotions: pleasure, joy, anticipation, delight, admiration, excitement. They come together into one big desire. This desire is transferred to the task that we teach the child to do (that is, the child happily collects toys, does homework, sweeps, takes out the garbage), and gradually - to all the requests of the parents. Parents who motivate their children with rewards gain a desire to cooperate and fulfill requests. A child in such a mood does the maximum of what he is capable of. Because doing it is pleasant. If a child cooperates with pleasure and does the maximum of what he is capable of, this means that he has a desire, basically he is motivated